Excessive

I've been having a really hard time today to get out of this rut of lethargic and lazy I'm feeling, and nothing seems to be working. Yesterday I felt good and accomplished, like I was being active and smart, and today I feel the opposite. Such a giant change so quickly, catches me off guard sometimes.

All I want is to at least feel content, to feel relaxed and at rest on my day off, enjoy games or enjoy tv but instead I just felt grumpy and like I was wasting time. It's a horrible feeling that I hate.

Before heading to bed last night, I adjusted the heat in the bedroom and saw sparks out of the corner of my eye. It surprised me but whatever, isn't that far out from a possibility in this house. I woke up at like 4am and was freezing cold. Apparently the heater was broken and hadn't been on all night, and it was minus 26 outside and it was probably between 5 and 10 in our room. I went to the basement and got the spaceheater and turned that on and made sure I had blankets on (Bekki had about six on and I just had one shitty one so that's so not fair).

So that was a great way to spend the night, and a great way to start the day too. We called and set up a work request and he came pretty quickly, by around 3pm, and fixed it. Apparently the wiring was poorly done. There were copper wires and aluminum wires connected to each other and if they're not properly connected then the one will heat much faster than the other and actually burn away it's covering, which is what happened. Since they weren't covered, it must've touched something else and caused a short, which would've been what the sparks were. He rewired it and set it up properly, so at least we've got heat now.

Another problem with the place that I noticed today was our sliding door in the living room that takes up the entire wall lets in snow and wind. There was literally a pile of snow INSIDE the room this morning and if I hold my hand near either the opening of the door or the back of it, I can clearly feel wind. We put in a request to handle that too but nothing was mentioned or done about it yet so who knows what'll happen there. I'm not really sure what to do about it. I might google ways to fix that issue as I'm sure it happens once and awhile.

I basically spent the day wanting to do things of import, but instead just sat around feeling regret. What confuses me is that I didn't really have anything important to do, and maybe that's what was wrong. Maybe I felt useless, lazy and like I couldn't make myself do anything important because there just wasn't anything important to do. I don't know... it just wasn't a good day.

I've been practicing the banjo, getting better at chords and chord changing quickly, but also having some difficulty with the clawhammer technique, but from what I understand, it takes a bit to learn so I shouldn't feel discouraged, and I don't really, I'm taking it pretty well.

I've also been playing a few games, but I don't feel the magic. What I mean by that is I don't get lost in the game the same way as I used to, even a couple years ago. I think it all stems from my anxiety and stuff, cause I've just lost my ability to relax at all. I've been playing The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds, I played a level of Brothers In Arms: Earned In Blood, and played some Diablo 3. I'm replaying the game with a Monk because it's been quite awhile since I played it, and I don't really have many good memories of it. The new expansion is coming out in a few months, and in an attempt to get excited about it, I thought replaying the game would bring some life back to it. It's fun, although I do find that the actions in game seem to be a bit laggy, a bit unresposive, and it's kind of distracting. I'm not sure if the items are changing in the future with the expansion, or if they've already changed, but I'm hoping they'll change in the future because it's quite rare that anything useful drops at all, and almost everything I'm using is coming from me crafting it, which... crafting is nice, it's like gambling from Diablo 2, but it shouldn't be the entire source of all useful equipment.

I've been wanting to play through The Last of Us (start from the beginning again), but I also want to play through it with Bekki, so I'm not sure if I should start a save file to play through just myself, and then push to play through a seperate file with her. I am interested in playing it though, as it seemed so good, and there is such praise directed towards it.

I work tomorrow at 2pm, and I have to take the bus to work but I no longer have a bus pass from Fanshawe (cause I'm a Fanshawe graduate). I've got to pick up some bus tickets tomorrow before work or pay change. For some reason that stresses me out and the idea of going to work causes me great anxiety.

I wanted to stay up for a bit and watch a movie, but I can't think of any movies to watch and I'm feeling increasingly stressed out, so I may just play Pokemon X for a while and watch Futurama, then go to sleep. Woo sleeping pills. Think that's all I've got for now.

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