Excessive

Lately I've felt so ugly... everything about me I've been dissatisfied with, and not the normal way that people always see themselves as ugly, I mean in a disturbingly large amount of disgust. At first I thought it was maybe my hair... maybe my hair was making me feel horridly ugly.. so I cut it, and dyed it, but no, I still feel just as ugly. I think it's a combination of a lot of things. All of my clothes are dirty and I never have anything to wear, my socks are dirty and stinky, I only have about three pairs of underwear left, no pants I really like, and barely any shirts. I just feel dirty and gross and grimey all the time. I want to feel confident like I did in the summer... I want to get some style, feel good about myself.. but not in a stupid way... I'm not sure how to put it without making it seem like normal teen angst stuff... All I want to do is feel comfortable with how I look, and feel good when I walk to work, or walk home from work, or sit at work.. then again, I guess it doesn't really matter what I look like when I'm just sitting at work. I guess it's just a dream of mine...

I got paid on Friday and in celebration of my first paycheque, I headed straight to EB Games with the lovely Emily, and looked around for what seemed like hours, which it actually was.. hours. or.. minutes. *cough* but it felt like old times again when I lived there. I kept looking over the games, checking out the cheap ones, looking at all the expensive ones I knew I couldn't get because they were too much. After searching around for a long time, debating over which games to pick up and which to wait for later, I ended up with F-Zero GX, Super Monke Ball 2 and Phantom Brave, and the women beside me, Emily, had Tales of Symphonia in her hands. We promptly paid and I proceeded to reach an orgasm. Let's see.. where to begin... F-Zero GX is a futuristic racing game for the Gamecube, which veteran console gamers will remember from the franchises appearance on Super NIntendo as F-Zero (one of the release titles actually) and on N64 as F-Zero X (an under-rated racing game, one of the best for 64), well the series returns and kicks the crap out of most other racers. Probably the first thing you notice about the game, and the one thing you appreciate even as you play it and play it, is the solid framerate it delivers. It runs soooo smooth it's unbelievable. There isn't a single stutter in the graphics, not a single bump or lag of any kind, everything just flows by in complete silky smooth motion, it's amazing to see. The speed of the game really takes advantage of this, as it lets you really get soaked up in the blinding speed. The game features a large number of tracks (race courses), many more than most other racers, which is amazing, because believe it or not, that's one of the best features of a racing game, to have access to many, many different courses. It's got great time attack features; ghosts, best times, long top score name entries, as well as the obligitory Grand Prix mode, which is the basic single player experience, racing a set number of tracks, against the computers (30 opponants! So much fun!) as well as a Story Mode, which features a lame ass story (exusable though) as you play various maps completely secondary objectives, like collecting a certain type of item in a certain type of time, which is refreshing, and hasn't really been seen since Diddy Kong Racing. The game is an overall masterpiece of racing. It's challenging, gives you enough options of things to do that it doesn't really get boring (unless you find racing games boring of course, but then again, you should probably just skip this entire paragraph if that's the case). The graphics are soooo pleasing, just because of how smooth they run.. it's amazing. The sound.. well, that's something I haven't mentioned enough, but it's awesome. The music is fast paced and very 'technoish', to match the speed of the game, and the rumbling of the sound effects will help immerse you into the driving seat. Replay wise, I think it'll take a long time to get bored with, because not only does it offer mutliple courses, difficulty levels and 'cups', it also has tons of other modes to explore, and it's just.. a great racing game. Five stars for sure.

Super Monkey Ball 2, for anyone who has played Super Monkey Ball for Gamecube, is basically more of the same, except they actually put a lot of hard work into this game, and thought to themselves, hey, what could we do to make this game fun!? And voila, they came up with this game. Super Monkey Ball 2 features a TON of new mini games, and severely improved the already existing ones, actually making them MINI-GAMES, rather than.. 'not very good' games. Basically they made each mini-game really worth playing. They made the racing actual racing, not just rolling around poorly constructed tracks in a ball, with very little else to do. I'm looking forward to Monkey Tennis the most, which needs to be unlocked by earning play points, which you earn by playing the main game. It's just a great game to sit down with a coffee and play with a loved one :) It's lots of fun to play with friends, a perfect party game. If you enjoyed Super Monkey Ball, than you'll love this game even more because it features everything the first had, plus about five times as much, with so much polish you can see your reflection in it, and if you didn't care for the original, then I'd suggest passing this up, since it doesn't stray much from the Monkey Ball Formula. While fun as a party game, as a single player experience, and as a game as a whole, it is lacking a bit in it's play, since it's definitley more directed towards team play and things like that, so I can't really give it too many stars, as it's hard to recommend the game to someone who doesn't have a gamer girlfriend. I'd give it a strong three stars.

I went into Phantom Brave a little bit yesterday, mentioning a few things about it. The game features a little girl named Marona and her gaurdian Ash, whom happens to be dead. They open up with a strong story, quite a bit stronger than their previous entry (Disgaea) which is refreshing and highly enjoyable. The game features brand new fighting systems, brand new party systems, and brand new everything. So far, the only slightly bad things is the step down in graphics. Now, the graphics in Nippon Ichi games (La Pucelle, Disgaea and Phantom Brave) aren't exactly top of the line to begin with, but in the first two entries were beautifully drawn, highly detailed hand drawn 2d sprites, but in Phantom Brave, they seem to have transformed them into smaller, not hand drawn 3d sprites that aren't quite as nice to look at, which is disappointing, but it doesn't really take away much from the game once you get into it, you kinda stop noticing. As most SRPGs are, if not all, Phantom Brave is complicated to say the least, and this time around, they upped the difficulty to the point where I think if you haven't played an SRPG, specifically a Nippon Ichi one before, you're gonna have no clue what the hell you should do with this game, other than use it has a coaster. It's so freaking complicated and so strange to get used to that new players are going to feel alienated and unsure of what to do. It's definitley a verterans game, as it doesn't do the best of job at explaining everything, not in the least. I have a feeling that this game is going to suck hundereds of hours out of me as well though, because of the sheer depth of the game, and everything you could possibly do. Of course my focus is on other games for now, but when I do give this game my main focus, I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot about it, as I'll become hoplessly addicted to it and it will consume my very soul.

Work is boring but tolerable. Not sure what else to say about it really. Sometimes the days seem long and drawn out, sometimes the days seem shorter than most. It's strange really, as there isn't one thing that decides whether or not it's going to go quickly, it's just random chance of how fast i'll precieve time as going. I want to start bringing my lunch to work, which means I'm going to have to start actually BUYING lunch food, which is something I should've been doing since I started there, but starting next pay cheque, I'm going to be bringing sandwhiches and alphagetthi and scooby getthi and raviloi and frozen dinner and anything I want because I should be able to do so. My breaks are usually boring because I don't get to spend them with Emily (because she has a different break time than me) but I just sit there and do nothing anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. I usually eat an apple on break because by that time I'm starving and thirsty from talking all morning. The supervisors are pretty much complete morons, with few exceptions. They mostly act like high school kids, always bickering, acting spiteful and very childish, but it's tolerable because they don't interact with me very often... it just sucks when I have to sit by them because they never shut up. I seriously think they don't ever do work, ever. I've made some friends, most of which I don't know, except Will (William or Bill, or Billy or Billy Bob William), who's quite the cool cat, and started the same time I did. We usually sit close and talk in varying chunks. Work is tiring... but I think what I get for it is worth it. When I get home, I don't have the energy to do much, but at least I have a nice smelling, warm, safe place, full of cats to come and rest. It makes it all worth while right there.

Our first months rent is due on December 1st, and while Emily and both recently got paid, they were small pays compared to what we should be getting due to days being missed and so on, so we're tight on money. We have enough to make rent, but not really any to do much else. Until next pay, we're gonna be pretty tight on groceries and things of that nature... I can manage.. I went for months and months living off one package of mr. noodles a day. I'll be fine.

I've felt so empty, and unfullfilled lately and I really have comcluded that it's because of my lack of any routine at all. I go to bed a different times each day, I eat different things, sometimes I eat supper, sometimes I don't, sometimes I do the dishes, sometimes I don't, everything is so random that my brain can't sink into a pattern and I just feel so empty. So fucking completely empty. I want to have a routine, I want to fix this, I want to improve it. I bought sleeping pills as my first step to improvment. This way I will have a set bed time everynight, and hopefully that in turn will create a set wake up time each morning, so I can get up early, enjoy my breakfast, like... really enjoy my fucking breakfast, watch a little Tv, FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY SELF! FUCK! I want this comfort so bad, I don't want to feel empty like this anymore. I feel so pointless, so trivial. WHY AM I DOING ALL THIS IF I DON'T FEEL GOOD? *sigh* I'm just frustrated. Things will turn around... because I'm going to make them.

I'll shift the subject to a more positive subject... I've thought up a neat little idea where I'll be making the most popular super nintendo and NES ROMS available for download for all the classic console fans out there, since it's been my long time dream to create a free, no ads, no stupid ass bullshit ROM download website, because these games need to be played and aren't being sold anymore, and must be available to the public! So games like Chrono Trigger, Final Fantasy 6, Super Punch Out and F-Zero will be made available to all my readers, as well as Dragon Warrior, Final Fantasy and tons of other games, as well as the emulators for playing them, and instructions on installation, so even people who have no idea what a rom is or an emulator is, can still enjoy these games they probably grew up on, like the Super Mario Bros games. I'm not sure when I'll be doing all that, but it's on the table now as a planned improvement, and I'd say before christmas.. maybe it'll be my christmas present to all my readers... free games for everyone! Also, I plan on making a small little page with a list of games I want to add to my collection, more so for myself rather than my readers, but it's just a place I can keep track of the games I want, which I've got and stuff like that. Just a silly, easy idea I had that I think I want to go through with.

I guess that's all I really have inside of me for right now... Hope you enjoyed the read... be sure to leave a plenty of comments for the ol' Kittymeister to read. I <3 you guys. kinda.. fuckers. i hate you.

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