Excessive

I've become more and more picky as to what exact mood I'm required to be in before I can actually make myself sit down and write one of these damned entries. From a lot of experiementing, it seems I write the best on Simply Sleep... plain and simple, words come together much naturally when I'm on those... and I never seem to have an ending to my thoughts. Right now I'm struggling with each word as they're being written, and that's no way to write anything. Right now I'm on three immovane, so I'm starting to get pretty groggy... but two wasn't cutting it, so yeah.. the three are somewhat interfering with my creative juices.

I'm not entirely sure how to put it, but Vanessa and I had a conflict, which cut pretty deeply into me personally... but I think it may have been resolved... but regardless, the words she chose and things she spoke of, really made me question almost everything in my life... or at least the part of my life that holds our relationship. It called everything I believed to be awesome into question, basically making me feel decieved and living a lie... but I dunno... nothing was directly cleared up about it... but things seem to be going on as normal.. so I guess I should do it myself, and just hope that maybe it was just.. ugh, I don't even know what to say here without making things worse. For the most part, I really like my life right now, and I want to keep on being comfortable and enjoying life. in general. I have high hopes for the future actually.. things I hope others share with me, regardless of the small things that may be in the way right now. This paragraph is going no where...

I actually almost fell asleep day dreaming with my eyes closed... my hand fell and it woke me up. I'm not making much sense, which is a good sign that immovane will NOT help you write, if anything it will take away from your skill. On a related note, I felt like I was in a very writable mood earlier... I was typing a lot on MSN... usually people give one or two word or sentance response, whereas I write and write, use big words and stuff... it feels good to express myself in such a way, and I figure it's good practice for my real writing! Figures by the time it got time for real writing, I'd be doped up on goofballs and wouldn't be able to write worth a shit! hehe

Okay.. I'm not going to get into it very much but the weekend was insane (and so was I, quite literally). I had done too much of something, or toom much mixing of things, and one night I starting shaking, hearing the voices, seeing things, unsure of where I was, or what was going on. I remember laying in my bed with Vanessa at some point, and I would talk to her.. talk for awhile... but I would always ask at the end of my sentances... did that make any sense? sometimes I'd get yes, sometimes I'd get no. There is this thing, where I can't distinguish the difference between things that have happened or that are currently happening in my head, and reality. This takes many forms in my life, and the scariest one is when I'm laying in bed with my girlfriend, I'm all messed up, she's all worried and scared, and then I start having conversations with her about things no one's even mentioned, or ask her a question, or just say random things, because in my head it would be appropriate to whats going on. Recently, I'll be day dreaming, and then wake up, and assume that the daydream actually happened so I would act accordingly. I've found myself asking my friends, especially Vanessa, if something actually happened, because I'm really losing my ability to tell if they have or not. The whole thing doesn't really scare me... it just makes me look stupid, or insane.. not sure which one. But it's been acting up a lot lately... most recently I a guy burp and holler and go into the bathroom. So i figure it was nick, even though I just caught him out the corner of my eye, i got up from the computer, popped out of my room and the bathroom was empty... so I went out, and he was in the kitchen looking for a drink... and I asked him if he went into the bathroom and made noise and noppper. So that's the short story of a part of my further mental degredation! It's poorley written and described because of the drugs I'm on right now, but I'm sure I'll revisit it at another time.. and im sure I'll regret writing this entry by tomorrow afternoon haha.

Other than the freaking out thing, that was really bad the one night, and lasted through to the next night (just not as bad) I actually really enjoyed the weekend, and it might have even been my favoritest weekend yet. Some of the most memorable moments I had this weekend was shopping in Shoppers Drug Mart with just Vanessa and me. We looked at all the makeup, seeing what we could wear and stuff, and it turns out were have pretty much the exact same taste in eyeshadows and stuff... it's all about the blues and greys.. the dry colors... it was heaven. We also looked at coverup, something that I've been trying to get some people into. Not only does it make you look like you have perfect skin, it makes you skin look amazing, smooth, and just.. it eminates this 'cool' factor.. it really does. I don't feel hot without it. We looked around for a good half hour, just going around everywhere and checking things out... it was heaven... and I just held on to her and walked, joked around, looked at things. I'm not sure exactly what it was that we bought, but we got some cover up for moi, because mine mysteriously went missing.... *glares* im really fucking pissed about that, and if I find it.. and remmeber that it was myself that lost it... ooh, im gonna punch myself.. but if its somewhere I'd never put it, I'll flip out. That shit isn't cheap, and I want to know where it is!!! Anyway... I got the second palest shade they had.. and it looks good on me, and it looks great on Vanessa.. and Michelle.. and I haven't teasted Nick or Brit yet. We also got some hair dye, one for me and one for vcard, and a packet of bleach powder. We also got some after diner mints which were only 0.99 a pack, which you can't really turn down. Other than that... I'm drawing a blank... so I'll just leave it at that, because I think that's enough info to continue the retelling hehe.

Another fun thing we did was dye each others hair. Vanessa dyed the roots of her dreads (and bangs maybe? i dunno!) and then waited... then washed it out. After that, she dyed my hair black, but not before Britanny carefully seperated my white bangs from my brown hair using a tinfoil system she seems to have invented. I really, really appreciated the thought and idea, but it didn't do anything really. I died the brown of my hair black, and then washed it out, and to my greatest fears, some of the blue black rinsed out into the white bangs, and turned them a light blue... and regardless of what nick says, this very same things has happened to me (remember Michelle?) and they don't just go back to white in a few washes. They stay blue/grey for a long, long time. After that, I bleached a few random dreads of Vanessa's... just about 8 or 9... just random ones around her head, and covered the bottom halves in bleach, wrapped them and voila.. sat for a good 30 minutes to 45 minutes, then checked and washed them, and they had turned a barely any different brown color (from black). So, we decided to do it again, and again we did, this time with more bleach and a better system, and we left them on longer... this time they turned a nice light brownish redish.. so it was mostly a success! It was all me!! I felt kinda proud that I didn't mess up and I did a pretty good job. I mixed good bleach if do say so myself. After she was done with that, I went into the bathroom and bleached my hair myself, getting the roots and the yellow spots and the bluer spots, and left it on for a long time. For doing it myself, I did an amazing job actually, and I think I might start doing it myself form now on. The job made the roots much whiter, but the blue is still there... and whatever.. I liked my hair much better before the dye job, but it fades fast and I'll have the old hair back eventually. Until a bunch of people start complimenting me on my hair (like that did with my snow white bangs/brown back), I don't think I'll feel that good about it. The next morning, I bleached V's dreads one more time (mmm, the smell of bleach in the morning) and this time left them on for an hour.. and this time they turned a blonde color. So she went into the bathroom and put on her purple punky on the bleached dreads, left that on for an hour, and then washed. She now has the cutest little dreads every viewed by humans. Cute little purple dreads poking out of her hair when she has it up and stuff... it's adorable. We're thinking of adding a few more purple in next weekend, depending on if we have time... we just need an evening where we just plan on watching TV/Movies and relaxing all night.. cause its not much work for me to mix a batch and put it in her hair. We just need the time to let it set.. so a movie or two is perfect. So, final word on that... who cares about my hair, I love her hair a lot. Maybe I can get some nice webcam shots of it if the lighting is nice enough to pick up the purple. Urh.. she makes me so happy.

I'd write more happy memories about this weekend but seriously, I just fell asleep sitting up trying to write this, so this imovane is going to force me to cut this entry short. I'll write more about it tomorrow for sure.

Today was pretty productive actually... I cleaned out all the kitty litter, and now it doesn't smell at all. Secondly, I cooked Tomatos all say so the entire house was filled with that amazing smell. Thirdly, I move bottles and boxes around so I could walk around, to, and from the kitchen without saying the words fuck, cunt face, or douche. So, that was fun... I felt accomplished. Oh, I also did all the dishes, for the third day in a row... and woo.. yay for me. Afterwards, I felt relaxed, and Michelle came over (around 5:30). I really appreciated her company, as I've been having a tough time lately, and needed to just relax and unwind and forget about things for a bit, so we spend the evening both talking, laughing, and playing a bunch of games. Can I ask for much more? We played a lot of Soul Calibur 2... I don't really remember how bad I kicked her ass haha, but I'm sure she beat me at least once! Secondly we played CO-OP Halo 2, where we're on the same team, fighting against the evil covenant following the single player story. It's lots of fun to work as a team, covering each other, doing team work and stuff, and we played for about half hour to forty minutes, but I got bored of the level we were playing since I had played it so much, so I decided to stop. At one point we had supper - Vermaccelli (really skinny spagetthi) with Tomatos (and Michelle had parmesean). I actually really liked supper, because it's been so long since I've had my tomatos and really, they are my happiness in red, goopy form. So almost immediatley after that, we washed off the dishes, and then played some more Tetris, Soul Calibur 2, SSX3 and all in all had a lot of fun. Thanks Michelle for not hating me and coming over and gaming your ass off with me.

Tomorrow is Britanny day; Tomorrow Britanny is coming over at 1:30pm (probably waking me up at the same time hehe) and we're going over to Hardcore to get her Septum pierced by Jessie (or at least go and ask and make sure he is there to do it). If you are reading this Linzie, you would probably know if he will be there or not, so reply with a comment telling me if she'd be able to get him to do it, and what she should ask. I figure she should just say... "I'd like to get my septum pierced but I'd prefer it be by jessie", but I'm not sure if there is a better way for her to put it. bah.. anyway.. leave a comment letting me know what you think. So that's our first plan, go there, get her all set up with a cute little cbr, tell jessie to order the smallest one her nose will fit, and then go back in three weeks and get it put in. It's gonna look great! know why!? cause itw as my idea!! hehe. After that, we're gonna go back to my place and probaly game it up hardcore styles for a bit.. and she says she's bringing supper for me to cook for us, so I'll do that too, since I love cooking. Then she's off to work from 5 to 10, and she's coming back at 10, probably for more Soul Calibur ass kickings, and will most likely leave at 12, so she could see Nick for a bit. Sounds like a busy day no? I'm excited!

So that's the bare minimum of what's happened in the last little while. So much has transpired, but most of it just isn't fir for talking about here... or at least not while I'm in this state of mind, where I wouldn't be able to put it in ways that would be acceptable for public viewing. Yeah.. lots of things going on in my life.. some good, some bad, some that switch a lot... I'm trying to figure things out. Right now, my main concern, is making sure that Vanessa is happy.

You'll hear from me soon fans.

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