Excessive

Dealing with the coming down is the tricky part. I was doing okay, but things can change quickly.

I woke up around 7am this morning, as I worked at 9am, so it was the appropriate time to wake up... cool story right? Yeah, I like stating obvious facts for no reason other than an excuse to write words into an empty box. Fucking fantastic. I had breakfast, and got ready... I sent a text to Julie randomly, just saying that I didn't want to go outside or go to work, and she called me back and offered me a ride, as she was just leaving to go in to work herself, so I gladly accepted, and left shortly after.

Work was fairly busy today, with quite a rush leading up to lunch time. The majority of staff in were focusing on a new menu launch for the Cafe, leaving mostly just Jon and I to get two lunch buffets ready. It wasn't too much of a problem, but Jon was a tiny bit behind, and I helped as much as I could, and got all the cold stuff done and taken care of. After lunch, we had no events, but had to stick around to take part in a menu tasting at 4pm, so we spent the entire afternoon cleaning up. I cleaned out two of the fridges, and we wiped down all the counters and ledges and all that fun stuff, eventually leading to around 4pm when we all headed over to the cafe. After the tasting (ie. after sitting around for an hour eating small bits of food), we all did a final clean up, and left.

Julie drove, and we stopped at Wendy's for take out, and then stopped at Tim's for a donut, and finally arrived at my place to watch Saturday Night Live. I pretty much just laid in the corner of the couch floating in and out of sleep (barely)... I was so tired, still am... so tired. After SNL, Julie left, I cleaned up, did the dishes, swept and cleaned the litter, and went and sat at the computer. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do anything... I talked to people online for a few minutes, tried to read stuff, or figure out what to do with my useless piece of shit self, and finally stood up, walked into the bedroom, laid down and slept. I slept until 11:00pm; I have no idea when I laid down, but yeah... I slept for a bit... woke up wanting a snack, but feeling tired and shit, and a pain behind my right eye, right back in to my fucking brain.

I'm trying my best not to let my exaustedness and my pain bring me down or make me feel like shit, and so far I've been successful, but there is always time to change that, there is always a chance I'll fall, and I know... with certainty, that that will happen eventually.

ps. Disgust. Anger. Lying to yourself.

505 words