Excessive

this is me from last year, early july(so almost a year and a half ago)

(clicky clickmaster click)

I'm sure this fuckin bitches name is Norma-Jean or something... for christ sakes. "What's the error code it gives you?" asked Jordan. "It don't work!", replied the retarded american. Oooh, that error code... yeeeaah, that one's real common with 'you' people. You see people, when a modem stops working, or fails at any function, it returns an error code. It actually says, "ERROR CODE: 788" or some other number. *sigh* Today is going horrible so far... Mark and I got caught taking long lunches and I can see us easily getting fired for it, and since Goga isn't in today, we won't know the true consequences of our awesome slacking until tomorrow probably. So I'm a bit nervous about that, and so far I've been getting the worst calls imaginable, although I'm sure Norma-Jean will turn out to be at least an hour long call, maybe a bit longer.

The first time through, sex was definitley on my mind, and definitley the first question I had. Second time though, I thought it was trivial and actually thought he was stupid for asking; it goes much deeper than that.

Like Steve has said, if you've already written how you feel once, why just repeat yourself. What I wrote almost a year ago, still rings true to how I feel today, almost exactly in every way. I wish I could get into a routine, and forget my troubles and just live a boring, uneventful life. Doesn't seem possible... but I can dream.

i want everyone who reads this to go back one year and read what I wrote. You can skip by the Doom3 part and start at the 'rules of friendship' thing.:

I feel drugged up again today... where my eyes are barely open, and heavy, but I don't feel tired tired, i feel drugged up tired, which are completely different. I didn't stay up really late for a change last night; I went to bed early (for me) and actually slept through the whole night for the most part (for what I can remember anyway).

i dont know whether to embrace or reject. i have such strong emotions about both. im confused.. and hurting. my heart wants something, so bad.. my brain thinks my heart is a retard. something i dream about really happens and I freak out inside. maybe thats why it doesnt feel real at all.