Excessive

Marle from Chrono Trigger

I was just taking a shower after Emily so nicely cut my hair, and I thought to myself: wow, I should write. I don't write enough lately.. and so here I am, still in my towel, dripping of course, writing an entry.

Yes yes, I know it's been a long time and I apologize too all my loyal fans, and to those who just randomly dropped by: apologize to ME!

I've obviously been busy doing... everything you can think of. You see, Sunday I moved, horribly hung over mind you, but since that day my life has been completely different. I never have my laptop on anymore, which most will probably notice because I've been offline a lot on MSN, the only time I go online is to check my email and check in with a couple people. I pay for electricty that I use now, which means I've got to keep lights off if I don't use them, keep speakers turned off, don't leave my computer on, and so on... you get the idea I'm sure... so basically the only time I'll be online is when I'm actually sitting at the computer, which brings me to my next thing...

Sorry about the lack of updates, but I have moved. I'm just doing a lot of unpacking and organizing.

I'll update later tonight or tomorrow after work - with info on how the Electrocult show went (from what I remember), a virtual tour of my new place and various other things

I just emerged from the greatest bath EVER! regardless of what Ally says. What made it relaxing you ask? Well I'll tell you! *looks around slowly* oooh, now? Alright. First, it was burningly (yes, a word) hot, which not only eases the muscles, aches and pains, but also.. does.. other relaxing things.. like.. melts layers of skin off and the such, which is also a bonus; less to clean you know. Also, Kairi kept me company the whole time, which has become quite a regular thing to happen; everytime I have a bath, she sits with me, purs, rolls around on the floor, comes up on the side of the tub and rubs against me, trusting me completley not to let her fall in the water, because she puts all her weight on my hand, so I could just pull away and in she'd fall, and the funny thing is, she doesn't mind water at all. I pet her with my wet hands and she gets soaking wet but never complains or runs away.. so I bet she wouldn't care that much if she fell in, except for the heat; that's the only thing I worry about, her getting burnt or something.. or her drowning.. so I'm not gonna push her in or something. Back to the bath though: I washed my body with my irish spring sport (because I play so many sports) TWICE, both times with a complete FLOOF treatment! YES! I used a floof! OKAY!? GET OVER IT!! I say to you all now, if you don't use a floof, go get a floof, because without a floof, you're ... floofless. It's soooo nice. It makes your soap get all suddy and feels like its cleaning you, your skin feels smooth and wow, it just cleans like GOD! So that made me feel good, and then I washed my hair with great smelling manderin shampoo... twice! and then conditioned it, and washed my face with face.. washing.. stuff. Aaaynway, it resulted in making me feel clean, fresh and great. I loves my baths *hugs baths* GET AWAY!

I don't think there is a word you can use to describe what I feel towards myself... or how I would describe myself, or catagorize myself as being; and I mean this on a much deeper level than you probably assume. I know that everything around me has changed, thus reflecting on me; changing who I am, how I act and react and such, and also changing how I see myself and others, but there is also some severe changes happening inside of my mind that cannot be reversed, but also hide themselves underneath my psychosis and neurosis, and they're very difficult to spot, and only under very specific circumstances can I catch a glimpse as to what I've become. It is a very scary thing indeed.

I feel sick again; I always feel sick now. I always have a stomache ache or a headache, or blackoutishey (yes kids, that's a word now) or some other ailment that drives me more insane. I like to blame it on my pill, or maybe this time I'll blame it on my poor eating habits due to my non-existant food. I figure that there is no need to go grocery shopping until after we're in the new apartment, because... well, because that way I don't have to pack and move over food and things that should be frozen or refridgerated, and for some reason I just like the idea of 'starting fresh' in that sense... but then I quickly remember that you actually need food to live, which I probably should've remembered earlier.