Excessive

Another day, another migraine.

Today was an extra tough day. I felt terrible the entire time, took a migraine pill at night, and another in the morning, and still had a headache all day. It was snowy, and couldn't go for much of a walk at lunch, although the short walk around the block did help me feel a bit better.

The migraines never stop. The pain is always there. It may start off as a mild dizzy feeling, a slight feeling of something wrong, by mid-day, I'll have stabbing pain behind my eyes and clouded thoughts. 

Sunday I ended up getting more into Diablo 3 than I had recently been.

That was an awkward sentence.

Today wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped. I woke up earlier than I had wanted, but thankfully I didn't wake up with a headache or anything. I didn't play any console games, didn't really listen to music, didn't really enjoy any games. I just felt a bit restless all day, and that feeling has kind of stuck with me all day.

Today was not as nice as I like for a Friday. It was not quite as relaxed as work as most Fridays, especially because we had a big meeting involving everything (which rarely, if ever happens). It caused work to feel a bit more stressful than I like, which tends to happen a lot lately. I wish I could relax more at home but I pretty much fail hard at that. 

I had to go to the dentist today, and you know how much I hate the dentist. Well, it's not so much that I hate the dentist, it's just I hate how my mouth feels when I go to the dentist. It was just a cleaning though, so nothing too too scary. 

Today was a day filled with above average anxiety. It hit me right away at work. It is almost always triggered by an email that - in my mind - blames something on me, or in some way implies that something I did was less than satisfactory. I don't mean in reality, I mean, in the way I percieve something. It's a major weakness in my personality. It ruins my day, and things pile on. I imagine more and more things, beat myself up over stuff, lose confidence. So this is what happened today. I enjoy days where I just go to work, do my work without much interaction, and feel good about myself.

I get a headache almost every day. I get a migraine a lot. I get migraine warning signs almost every day. I take too many migraine pills. I sometimes just feel exausted, and just feel defeated.

Today was actually a pretty decent day. I woke up without a headache really, although I didn't feel rested. My neck hurt and I just felt groggy, and that's without a sleeping pill or anything. I'm just super cursed to never have a good sleep. I really don't know what to do at this point.

What do you do when you can't stop doing something that you know is making you feel crazy?

All day, I program. More or less all day. I take breaks to do chores, so I feel a little more sane, but I feel the draw to just go back to programming, and my mind is racing and my leg is tapping so fast, and I just can't stop. I don't want to stop, but I know it's causing me to feel this way. To feel crazy, to feel like my mind is so fast that I can't even process what I'm thinking.