Excessive

I've been teaching myself guitar lately.. not really teaching myself through myself but through following lessons from various websites and youtube videos. A long ass time ago my Dad gave me a really nice Fender Stratocaster when I mentioned an interest in learning the guitar, and he gave me one or two lessons but nothing ever came of it, and besides lending it to Owen when he needed a guitar, it hasn't gotten much use. I've been learning the basics of guitar player and since it's an electric guitar, I've been looking for really cheap amps. I found one online from London, and when I emailed him about it he said someone was coming to pick it up but if it didn't go through that I could have it. Well, a few days later I got an email from him (yesterday) saying that I could have it, and to call him today. So I borrowed $40 from my Mom yesterday and got all excited, and called the Guitar Shop to get a patch cord, and then called the guy and I was told it was gone, thanks, bye.

I think I'm just going to stop looking, because I keep getting my hopes up, or getting excited and then getting really disappointed. I had arranged a ride with my sister, borrowed money and got up enough courage to call various places today all for no reason and shit like this never works out for me. I just felt so shitty right after hanging up the phone, like someone had stole my happiness right from me, it really sucked.

I miss how I felt in the winter. I miss being warm and bundled up or having a really hot bath to warm up and then getting comfortable and playing marathon sessions of Splinter Cell games or Virtua Fighter or the Ratchet and Clank games, and how safe and comfortable I felt. I haven't felt safe or comfortable in a long time and I just feel on the edge at all times now. I can't even have a nap without feeling nervous and shitty for napping.

It's Linzie's birthday today as you could tell from the post below this one. Happy Birthday Linzie, you're 21 today and if you were a citizen of the US it might mean something, but you aren't! So it's just a number! HAH! If you birthday party didn't have a $5 cover, there might have even been a chance I'd visit you for a few minutes! I hope you have a good day and a fun night.

I wish there were more Dirty Jobs or Ghost Hunters that I haven't seen, but having watched every single one ever, there aren't. I could put on some that I don't remember that well.. I just find them, especially Dirty Jobs, so comforting. I can watch and relax and forget my worries for a little bit.

Also, in television news, Michelle and I really enjoy watching the West Wing. We watch it every night and it's awesome. Take that!

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