Excessive

Is this the end of a tiring week or the start of a new one? It's hard to say really, but I feel so drained and empty and ready to retreat and run away and climb somewhere dark and be quiet and sleep and disappear and just not exist for awhile. I want to just give up and let go and not feel like weight stacked on top of me all the time.

Today was pretty brutal and really draining at work, as I mentioned before, today just sucked. We had a busy breakfast, busy brunch and a plated dinner to do and it was just Julie and myself in, so it was really challenging to get everything done, not feel like I was going to have a heart attack and stay sane through it all. I'm really organized at work, so that really lends itself to days like today, where my organization is responsible for a lot of the success that we see. Considering I take ownership of pretty much everything that's going on when I'm in, I try to ensure I have everything under control. It appears that my organization and success has paid off, as starting last Sunday, I got a raise... fifty cents actually... fifty cents after four years of working at the windermere manor. I guess I should just be happy I got anything at all, considering I work part time now, I didn't think I'd see anything of the sort at all, so, that's cool. It works out to about $40 extra per month, which isn't that much, but you could consider that paying a cell phone plan.

My Grandmother passed away this morning at 10:47am, and her funeral is on Wednesday at 11am, but I'm not going to be attending, simply because I wasn't really a part of that family, and I would feel like an outsider and not welcome or comfortable, so I think I'll pass. I will have my memories of Isabel Grieve and I don't have to attend a funeral service to keep them. While I didn't know her that well, or spend much time with her, I knew she was a good, creative, kind person, and I hope I have some of those things passed down from her, as difficult as it may be to find them within myself.

I have a project due tomorrow that I don't feel very confident about, and I really don't want to get less than perfect but I honestly don't know if I have a perfect project... it's actually causing me a lot of stress, but I didn't have a spare second all weekend to even think about it, so that's really fucking god damn stressful. Also, I have an in class quiz tomorrow, so I have to go to school on a day I usually stay home to recharge, so that's annoying, and then I have to worry about having the knowledge neccessary to get perfect on that quiz as well. Too much, too much for me right now, I just can't deal with it all.

I've been listening to Iron & Wine a lot lately, the same album I've always enjoyed the most, Our Endless Numbered Days, which is just a masterpiece. He has a new album coming out this coming week, but it's not really the direction I'd prefer, although 'm sure it will be an excellent album. It's more upbeat, full band, he said it's like FM-Radio from the mid-70's that your parents would've listened to, which is interesting, but not the soft, emotion filled folk acoustic rock that I love from Sam.

I think I'm gonna go watch a movie and try not to feel stressed out and completely insane. It's been so long since I've felt this messed up, and I'd prefer to just feel content and happy, like I did from like Sept - Dec.

648 words