Excessive

I feel heavy again... not physically but mentally (I'd say spiritually but I fucking hate that word). I have a massive gum infection, which results in a toothache in pretty much all the teeth on the left side of my mouth, top and bottom. I can taste the poison seeping out from my gums, and I swallow it and now I feel terribly sick, but I bet it's just all in my head, but that realization doesn't help me feel any better. I'm tryin gto eat things to cover the taste but it doesn't take the pain away. It's really the only thing standing in between me and feeling light and happy, a feeling I wish everyone felt, because not only do I have to worry about feeling sick and being in indescribable pain, I have to worry about dentist appointments, and worse still, paying the dentist bill, which I'm probably going to ask my Mom to put it on one of her credit cards, so I can pay it up front and get the refund from work, and then pay the rest off monthly. God fucking dammit why does this shit have to have happen to me... just not fair... I was actually happy there for three days.

Yesterday would have been a lot better if I hadn't had the toothache, but I guess it was okay anyway. I slept in mega late; until 2:30pm or so... not really sure how that happened really, since I haven't really slept in for a year or so now, I always get up around 11am (which I guess is sleeping in kind of). So I got up and did a couple things around the hizzouse, and decided I should go to value mart to pick up a few things, as I.. well.. needed to pick up a few things. I called my Mom and my Sister to arrange a meeting, since they work across the street from value mart, and we arranged to meet and say hello, and I'd show them the healed aftermath of my tattooing adventure. I left around 3:00pm or 3:30pm, I don't really remember... and well, you people really don't give a shit.

I went to my familys place of work first and said hello to Lindy at the front desk, and then went back and talked to my Mom. She was off in about ten minutes, so I ran over to subway and got breakfast/lunch/supper (a 6-inch turkey) and brought it back to eat at Marilyns desk, and at 4:00pm my Mom was done and she came to value mart with me. I got mushrooms, green/yellow beans, coke and chips, and a bunch of juice (orange juice!) and a few other random things, and I think my Mom bought apples... anyway, we were in and out pretty quickly, and I got back on the kipps to home.

I had until about 8pm to do whatever I wanted, and so I cleaned up the place a little bit... did the few dishes there were, threw out a couple empty bags of chips and what not, and got the place back to being pretty. My place smells like fresh insense cause I just bought a pack of 60 and have them sitting in my room and it makes everything smell great (or according to jess, like spices). I spent the time playing Double Dash (which I've completely beat now) and Paper Mario 2, which I'm right at the end of. I also played around with my new 160gb external drive, which now has my entire music library on it. I spent the night before getting it off of my broken computer, which died in the process three times before finishing. I had to put both hard drives and the video card in the freezer because they overheated; but the freezer got them working again and I managed to get all 20gb of music off of it onto my external drive (and it was transfering through USB 1.0... *sigh*). Now I have access to my music whenever I want to listen to it and that makes me happy... I wish I could feel happy right now but this stabbing pain in my mouth is kinda fucking pissing me off, not to mention the tastes... maybe it's just the doritos, but fucking rank.

Michelle called around 7:50 and told me to call Pizza Hut to order a pizza for pickup, and so I did. Half pepperoni, half mushroom. I love Pizza Hut... but grand ave is still just a bunch of idiots. I asked for it well done and cut into eight, but nope, they just disregarded both those, even though it said read comments a hundered times. Michelle and Jess got to my place with pizza in hand around 8:10 or so, and they came in, we ate and sat and stuff.

The beginning of the night was basically spent with Michelle and Jess playing Double Dash and stuff, while I laid and watched. Various games were played and stuff... pretty much the normal; I'm not saying I was bored, but I'm just bored right now which is why I'm not writing in detail. Eventually we decided cooking corn would be a good idea, so I cooked up five cobs of jeffs corn, and we ate them, all covered in butter and salt (the corn, not us) and it was fun for all. Afterwards, Jess said something along the lines of "I need alchohol, do you have alchohol" to which I replied, "of course!". So together Michelle and Jess finished off my whiskey, which had about four shots each. Not sure if it did anything... Jess mentioned she felt dizzy, but neither of them were acting drunk, so meh; we've still yet to party it hard as a group, but the time will come.

The rest of the night we watched the movie Saved, which was funny in a christians are a bunch of descriminating bastards way. I'd give it a 6 or 7 or something like that... yeah, I'm not exactly decisive right now. Around 4pm or so I went into my room and Jess laid down on the couch and Michelle laid down in the bed and I went on my computer. When I laid down for bed I wasn't tired at all and for some reason I got a wee bit gloomy and got to thinking. I was thinking how shitty I felt for making, well not really making, but having Jess sleep on the couch. I knew that if I was in her position, and I was hanging out with friends all night, and then it came time for bed and I went to sleep on the couch in a lonesome room, I'd feel low, cold, alone, heavy... I wouldn't like it. It actually made me feel really bad. I wanted to go tell her to come sleep in the bed and I'd sleep on the floor or on the couch or smooshed on the bed, anything to make... someone feel better (even though it was in my head). Well, I felt bad but was too shy, or insane to say anything, so instead I just went and gave her a hug and then went back to bed.

I remember Michelle coming in and saying goodbye to me this morning, and I never saw Jess, but then I went back to sleep and woke up again at 10:30 with a massive gum/toothache and a very nervous feeling about my badge. It seemed my shortlived happiness had gone, and my normal nervous as hell, shit ass life was back. well.. FUCK. I want the happiness back.

So now I'm at work and I'm in a bad mood, and I'm in severe pain, and I plan on going home at 5:30pm. I'm not having a good day... every little thing is annoying me and causing me pain and irriation. I feel funny and slightly out of place... Goga better not give me a hard time about going home... I'm god damn entitled to those early leaving days.

Tonight is Margrettes (thats probably spelled wrong.. sorry... leave a comment with the right spelling and I'll fix it!) party and I'm dragging Michelle and Mark with me to keep me company and so I have someone to walk home with. Hopefully there are drinks there cause I gotta drink something to dull this pain. Should be fun... tomorrow is work and then Fetish Night, which I'm not too thrilled about since the pants dnot look great on me I don't think.. but it'll be dark so who cares.

I guess that's it for now...

click here for pictures from the night (im ugly in them)

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