Excessive

I was sitting in my computer chair, my mind shifting through things, too quickly to really tell what it was, what it is... I was tapping my foot... my knee so fast that the vibrations were causing my leg to feel strange. I felt hot, agitated... my mind was a swirl and I can feel all the things in my mind shifting into place, shifting into place to come crashing down on me. It's the shifting that kills me, the shifting that tries to kill me. I can't take the ups and downs, I can't take the sheer drops and hitting the bottom; being raised up high, just to fall again.

I'm insecure, or I feel that way sometimes. I'm not entirely sure if that's even a true statement. I think that shifts too... there was a time when I was very confident, very secure. In the last few years it has changed, for whatever reason... reasons that I wouldn't get in to here, publicly. I feel vulnerable more often than not, and I dislike that feeling. I don't like feeling out of control, I don't like feeling unsure, I'd prefer certainty.

Today was my day off... I got to sleep very late last night, almost 4:30am. Due to that, I slept in a bit this morning, finally getting out of bed at 10:30am. I had breakfast and spent some time on the computer, eventually playing some games and relaxing on the couch. Around 1:45pm, I went for breakfast at the Malibu with Julie, Mel and Darren, and that lasted until around 4:00pm. For dinner I had beef tenderloin, and it was oh so yummy.

As you can tell I've someone lost my ability to write, while writing this entry, so... I'll just stop now.

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