Excessive

I can start this off withing saying, "this sucks!" I have to get up early tomorrow... around 8:30am or so, because I'm going to Toronto with Steve to see the body works exibit, and we're leaving at 10am... and here it is 4am with two sleeping pills in me... I didn't think about it until five minutes ago; I never considered that I should probably go to sleep to be rested for tomorrow, I just treated it like a normal night.

I've gone through a variety of moods today... I felt negative, happy, very embarrased, panicy/anxious and unbelievable. Quite a wide range of feelings to have to deal with but I think I did okay. I just won't focus too much on any of them, especially the couple more negative ones, as only bad things can come from that.

I woke up really early today without getting much sleep, and Vanessa came over, and went to the grocery store with Nick and her Mom, so I napped for a few hours as they went out... it really only felt like a few minutes for some reason. Afterwards, Vanessa, Nick and Britanny hung out at my place for awhile, just doing the normal shizzle. We basically spent the day watching TV, giggling, dancing to Panic at the Disco, and... stuff. Britanny left early because she's a big ol' pussy (at around 8pm) and then when she left, I started supper for the family, a roast chicken, potatos and corn. We laid around and stuff, and after an hour and a half or so, supper was ready, we watched Garden State, and afterwards Nick went to bed. The rest of the night was watching tv with Vanessa.

Although it seems like a somewhat uneventful day, and even though I mentioned I had some low points (negative thoughts / embarrasment) overall it was a really nice day. I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have though, due to my recent loss of sanity. My mind never quite thinks straight... it's always off on a tilt a little bit; thoughts are distorted, often cloudy and I can't really make out exactly what it is that's going on in there. There are times of great clarity however, where everything makes sense and I just smile because nothing really seems that bad, but then there are other times where I can't even grasp a single thought racing through my head, and it presses on my chest, and I can't breath, any heart races and nothing makes sense in any way. Sometimes I think things are finally falling apart, to a point where they've never been so low, and at other times, things look okay; there just doesn't seem to be any in between times where things are just... average.

Well, it's about that time to finish watching The Odd Couple, and wake Vanessa to move to the bed. Tomorrow is adventure to Toronto, so I should really be getting some sleep. Just thought I'd drop you fans a line!

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