Complete and Indescribable Discomfort
- I lived with Ben on Cartier
- I was with Emily
- I lived with Ben on Cartier
- I was with Emily
i take too many fucking pictures
I am so indescribably uncomfortable. I've been wearing the same clothes for the last three days now, I have this cankor on the top of my lip from sucking on lemons, and my entire tongue and mouth is very... blah, like I've been eating too many salt and vinegar chips, except I haven't been.. I wish. My hole face is itchy and I feel gross all over. My head is clouded and I'm dizzy, I'm very, very snappy and easily depressed. I haven't taken my pills in three days.. make that four now. I can totally see myself go downhill and I just sit here helpless, just watching, and I hate it. There are some things I want to say, but I can't because of how... uncomfortable I am just sitting here. I hate it.. I hate it so much. I want to just... SHOOT MY SELF IN THE FACE. argh.. I know no one can possibly understand why I'm so pissed off right now... and maybe that makes me feel even worse.. but I am.. and.. I'm not happy about it.
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Yesterday I woke up and messaged my Mom to come over and pick me up, as she was taking me to the bank so I could pay my visa, and then I would run over to No Frills and buy some catfood with some spare change my Mom found and donated to me. So I woke up kinda late... around 2pm, and then quickly got ready... I didn't do anything special, just threw my shoes on pretty much.. and my Mom was over before I knew it and we were off to the mall, with The Clash in hand. We of course listened to it in the car on the way, which seems to be car tradition now, as I listen to it almost any time I get a ride from my sister or my mom. It was strange how quickly my Mom said she'd come and then left.. I didn't have to talk her into it or argue with her about it.. I just said, "Mom, my visa payment is due today" and she said, "okay, im on my way". It really kinda threw me off, because I was a little worried about what she'd say or what I'd have to say to get her over here. It was nice seeing her... It's nice to have a mother around sometimes; yeah sure, she says things all the time, gets on my case and gives me a hard time about everything, and i hate it, but it's what she's supposed to do for me, and I respect that and I would never turn away from her.
Today consisted of waiting around, the entire day. I needed to give Ally her shoes and clothes back today, so I was going to take a bus but I realized they were running on holiday schedual, so it would take me a few hours to get there and back because of the shitty transit system, and I also had to pay my visa, which I didn't do, because I have no money. So anyway, I asked my sister if she could quickly drive me over to Allys for me to drop off the shit, and then take me to the bank because my Mom was willing to forward me my payment so I wouldn't get bad credit, but she said that she'd do it later in the day, so I said okay and waited around. and waited. and waited. aaand waited. and then she called me at 9pm, said she was feeling sick and that she wasn't going to drive me. So, since it was already so late and there were only two more buses running for the rest of the day, I was pretty pissed off. I mean... I don't care that she said no.. I don't care at ALL, it was only a matter of convenience.. I got pissed off because she waited until 9pm to tell me. I would've gone at Noon if I knew I wasn't getting a ride. I just wish people wouldn't lead you on like that.. it would be so much simpler if they just said yes or no instead of that bullshit 'maybe' crap. Fucked up my entire day... Like.. hoenstly, there is NO reason to be nervous to say no, thats WHY people ask, to hear yes or no, if the answer is NO, at least I have time to make new plans and figure stuff out, but if people just lie, like they always do, than it just fucks up any chance you have of making new plans... I was really pissed when I brought over Allys crap.. VERY pissed off.. you can ask Emily about that.. grr.. just ask her how crappy I've been lately, how I've snapped and been mean to everyone.
I've been pretty busy lately... I suppose that's why I haven't updated.. along with my huge amount of lazyness.