Excessive

I've felt a terrible sense of helplessness lately, just feeling completely out of control of the day to day happenings of my life. What is causing it is fairly obvious, or at least seems to be, as it seems to be related to my work schedule, my cats, and just my own personal mood and/or motivation.

Ah romance: a spirit, inclination for adventure, mystery or excitement. Love, especially romantic love idealized for it's purity or beauty. A mysterious, exciting, sentimental, or nostalgic quality, especially one associated with a place. Romance is awesome, and it's one of the driving forces in my life. Nostalgic, hopeless... staring into a lightning filled sky, these things are what fill me with both hope and despair... feelings of comfort, but feelings of regret. It will never leave me, I will forever be a hopeless romantic, and I think that's okay, I think that while there are negatives to being a sucker; Negatives to being lost in romance, there are greater or equal positives that can potentially come from it.

Today was a decent day... I don't really feel like writing, so I think I'm going to be making this a pretty short entry, but whatever.

I woke up at around 10:30am, and had breakfast, which was toast, coffee and apple sauce. I had a bit of extra time, as I'm not really used to going in for work at 12pm, so I just did the dishes and got ready to leave abnormally slow.

Ben, if you're reading this, could you email me at jordan@webkore.net, or add me to MSN at the same address? I miss you and wanna talk again! music, games, way too much Star Trek, it needs to be let out!

Last night was screwed up... so screwed up. All the memories of last night are all molded together and out of order and I'm not sure which are real and which are made up. Michelle came over and had a shower, and I ordered pizza... we watched City of Angels, but at the start of the film, I took both my pills, and that's where things start to go blurry. I fell asleep near the last bit of the movie, and I don't remember falling asleep... I was actually shocked when I woke up because... as far as I knew, I wasn't sleeping. Michelle was crying when I woke up (because City of Angels rocks) and I got up and went to the bathroom. While in there, my heart started beating really fast (it sometimes does that, but then goes back to normal) but it kept going faster and faster, and I could feel my chest pounding, and I actually thought I was having a heart attack or something, and then darkness snuck in around my eyes and I blacked out.