Excessive

I went to work today which was horrible to attempt. Waking up this morning was hell... getting ready this morning was hell, making supper this morning was hell... this morning was hell. I also forgot my pills at home so weeee to fucking my brain up; always a good thing.

  i hate this filth

me half a year ago

I was going through some old pictures and I noticed how long my hair was, and how I seemed to have more style back then. I'm very disatisfied with how I look now... I'm going to grow my bangs out again I think... or just.. not be ugly anymore. I think I need new clothes or something...

I've felt so strange lately... for the last two weeks or so I've felt so unbelievable nervous/anxious all the time. I feel nervous sitting here on my living room floor, listening to Bright Eyes, typing on the keyboard. I have that feeling in your stomache you get before you go to the dentists. I can't seem to shake it no matter what I do, no matter where I look for comfort it just seems to keep following me around and it's making me feel very dejected and I feel detatched from reality.

And when I see you, I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better, it picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around

If you feel discouraged when there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover, it's really bursting at the seams
from absorbing everything the spectrum's A to Z.
(ahh... ahhh...)

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
All the girls in every girlie magazine can't make me feel any less alone,
I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 and on your machine,
I slur a plea for you to come home.
But I know it's too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay; given you a reason to stay;
given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years

  i dont think i exist

Jay Leno sucks.

I've been eager to create as of late... my mind has been busy not only thinking up different things to create, but thinking up ways how I could possibly create money for myself doing what I love. I don't even know where to begin really. I like that I've made money recently with both my scripting and with webkore, but webkore isn't exactly mine, and the scripting was only a one time thing and I still haven't had the opprotunity to sit down with Tanner (even online) and discuss the transition to the script.

this is me and this is kairi

I was originally going to write in one of my books... I was getting ready for a bath and information was starting to leak from my fingerlips in painful spurts and I needed to smear it somewhere, but I couldn't find a book, nor a pen anywhere, so I just burned inscense and death cab for cutie and layed in my scolding bath for a few minutes. It dulled the pain a bit.. but of course it lead to this filth...

There are a few things I'd like to get into tonight.. hopefully this entry will be more meaty.. yes meaty, than the previous few. I realize my writing has been complete shit as of late, but you can blame that on my brain demons... they've been punching me lately.