Writing Photography Rambling
 |
i had just had a showerSo here is the plan. Thanks to the near-godlike status of a one Tony, he has hooked me up with 100mb of free webspace, ad-free, with my own subdomain and a huge buttload of other things, such as PHP enabled servers... and well, it's awesome. So, what the plan is, is that I am going to deconstruct this website, really think about what I want it for, how I want it to display, and build it from the ground up, complete in PHP script, so it's automated, consistent and hopefully will have some advanced features, like an actual comment script, that you can leave automatic comments, that don't have to be manually added by me... you'll just click submit and they'll appear.. that's my dream anyway. A menu that reads from a file and inserts itself into each page is also something I've already achieved in just tonight, so if I want to change the menu, I can just change the source data file, rather than open all fifty of my webpages and manually change it on each page... so much easier to change things now. I'm trying to think of a few layout ideas... I've already finalized my idea of what I want entries to look like and how I want them displayed, but I'm still think about how I will go about adding new entries.. whether I want to do it manually, or have it automatted.. I think it might have to be automatted if I want to use a comment system... so I'm going to take some time and really think about it. As for other things, such as my stories, I'm trying to think about maybe a different variation on my current layout would be more appropriate, rather than it just looking like a long entry, maybe I can change it, so it stands out a bit more... all these things are going through my mind, but I want to make something clear, this won't be available for you people to use/see until about christmas, so that gives me a long time to program it and make sure it works great.. I might need a few people to help test some of the scripts, but I'm sure I'll talk to you privatly about that.. so now I have a huge work in progress, and it's quite excited.. and it's all thanks to Tony, for saving me from those Geocities freaks!
i take too many fucking pictures
I am so indescribably uncomfortable. I've been wearing the same clothes for the last three days now, I have this cankor on the top of my lip from sucking on lemons, and my entire tongue and mouth is very... blah, like I've been eating too many salt and vinegar chips, except I haven't been.. I wish. My hole face is itchy and I feel gross all over. My head is clouded and I'm dizzy, I'm very, very snappy and easily depressed. I haven't taken my pills in three days.. make that four now. I can totally see myself go downhill and I just sit here helpless, just watching, and I hate it. There are some things I want to say, but I can't because of how... uncomfortable I am just sitting here. I hate it.. I hate it so much. I want to just... SHOOT MY SELF IN THE FACE. argh.. I know no one can possibly understand why I'm so pissed off right now... and maybe that makes me feel even worse.. but I am.. and.. I'm not happy about it.
Yesterday I woke up and messaged my Mom to come over and pick me up, as she was taking me to the bank so I could pay my visa, and then I would run over to No Frills and buy some catfood with some spare change my Mom found and donated to me. So I woke up kinda late... around 2pm, and then quickly got ready... I didn't do anything special, just threw my shoes on pretty much.. and my Mom was over before I knew it and we were off to the mall, with The Clash in hand. We of course listened to it in the car on the way, which seems to be car tradition now, as I listen to it almost any time I get a ride from my sister or my mom. It was strange how quickly my Mom said she'd come and then left.. I didn't have to talk her into it or argue with her about it.. I just said, "Mom, my visa payment is due today" and she said, "okay, im on my way". It really kinda threw me off, because I was a little worried about what she'd say or what I'd have to say to get her over here. It was nice seeing her... It's nice to have a mother around sometimes; yeah sure, she says things all the time, gets on my case and gives me a hard time about everything, and i hate it, but it's what she's supposed to do for me, and I respect that and I would never turn away from her.
Today consisted of waiting around, the entire day. I needed to give Ally her shoes and clothes back today, so I was going to take a bus but I realized they were running on holiday schedual, so it would take me a few hours to get there and back because of the shitty transit system, and I also had to pay my visa, which I didn't do, because I have no money. So anyway, I asked my sister if she could quickly drive me over to Allys for me to drop off the shit, and then take me to the bank because my Mom was willing to forward me my payment so I wouldn't get bad credit, but she said that she'd do it later in the day, so I said okay and waited around. and waited. and waited. aaand waited. and then she called me at 9pm, said she was feeling sick and that she wasn't going to drive me. So, since it was already so late and there were only two more buses running for the rest of the day, I was pretty pissed off. I mean... I don't care that she said no.. I don't care at ALL, it was only a matter of convenience.. I got pissed off because she waited until 9pm to tell me. I would've gone at Noon if I knew I wasn't getting a ride. I just wish people wouldn't lead you on like that.. it would be so much simpler if they just said yes or no instead of that bullshit 'maybe' crap. Fucked up my entire day... Like.. hoenstly, there is NO reason to be nervous to say no, thats WHY people ask, to hear yes or no, if the answer is NO, at least I have time to make new plans and figure stuff out, but if people just lie, like they always do, than it just fucks up any chance you have of making new plans... I was really pissed when I brought over Allys crap.. VERY pissed off.. you can ask Emily about that.. grr.. just ask her how crappy I've been lately, how I've snapped and been mean to everyone.
I've been pretty busy lately... I suppose that's why I haven't updated.. along with my huge amount of lazyness.