Excessive

So today didn't exactly go as was planned, and I guess it worked out anyway, but it always sucks when things don't go the way you invisioned them. The plan was to get up at 9am and go shopping, to be home before lunch so we could enjoy a lunch with some of the food we bought. However, I couldn't sleep last night, ended up getting back up and taking a sleeping pill, and it made me sleep a lot longer, and I went to bed later than I wanted to, so I couldn't get myself out of bed until 11am.

I didn't write today.

I’m sore, and tired, and my legs hurt… I hurt myself a lot today in a multitude of ways, including cuts, burns and tinfoil cuts… ugh. I know that I should write but I really don’t feel like I have it in me. I’m tired and my night is almost over and I just don’t have any energy.

I've been spending a lot of time working on some projects for school, specifically a C++ project which I finished the other day and submitted, only after a friend pointed out one of the minor features was done incorrectly, but oh well, can't let it bother me. The professors instructions are always super vague and it's impossible to know exactly what he means or what he wants, and I just can't let it bother me.

I went to school today, something that doesn't happen as often as it used to. I don't feel as though I'm doing any worse in school, which only goes to show how justified I was in staying home. I always go on Tuesdays though, and they always seem to discourage me enough to stay home for days throughout the week. I think that I've decided to go tomorrow, which is good, but I always have trouble actually getting work done while I'm there, so I'm trying to formulate a plan in my head about what exactly I'll do, beyond barely pay attention in class.

It was a hot one today and it had an effect on the level of activity and enthusiasm. I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish, and didn't get through them, and I've yet to decide if I am disappointed by this, or don't give a shit about it, and I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I mean, I wanted to do some things, specifically things that wouldn't normally be on my to-do list... nothing special but just a certain few things that I felt needed to be done, but I didn't get to all of them, but I suppose I got to the important ones. I went to the store, did the laundry, made a nice dinner and made a cake from scratch for dessert.

So in an attempt to relax and write, I put what already seems like one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, An American Haunting, some 2005 PG13 horror movie, claiming to be based on a true story, but it’s so poorly directed and acted that you can’t help but feel awkwardly embarrassed for it. Anyway, that wasn’t the reason I started writing, or what I wanted to write about, but it was staring me right in the face so I couldn’t help it.

The last thing I want to do is get up and go to school tomorrow. I feel so much like shit that the idea of even getting out of bed in the morning is daunting, and it appears that I've got a repeat of last week happening again. I feel ugly, like.. super ugly. Like I don't even like to look in the mirror. I hate my clothes, and I hate that I shaved, but also hated what I looked like before I shaved, I hate being outside in public for so many reasons.

My nose hurts, I spend more time thinking up a title no one reads, and fun with games.

The weekend was tiring... exhausting even. I remember being in a daze, being... just out of it, but running on auto-pilot for the second half of the day. I don't remember what I've written about and what I haven't, so I'll just glaze over certain boring things because I don't particularly feel like reliving them in my head.

Tonight I watched Zoolander instead of writing an entry.