Excessive

It feels like I have a giant weight on my chest and I can't breathe.

Work was stressful. I feel... useless. I feel like an outsider, I feel like I've started a new job, I feel like I'm not pulling my weight, like I'm getting in the way. I was getting really upset, really frustrated, it seemed everything I was doing, everything was wrong. I used to be good at my job - maybe not - but I felt like I was good at my job, and that was important because since I didn't second guess myself, I got work done quicker. I felt so shitty today, so angry at how out of place I felt, my mind was kind of shutting down and then Jon wouldn't let it go and kept asking me what was wrong and trying to give me motivational advice, but I just wanted to be left alone to work through it. Eventually Julie came in and we had got our stuff done, so she just yelled things at me she needed done and that put me in a better mood because I can do those things fine and she generally appreciates the stuff I do and sometimes even compliments it, and after that my mood got a bit better and the second half of the day I was okay.

Today was tiring. I'm tired, I have a headache, I still feel nervous...

I pretty much felt uneasy and nervous at work all day, and that sucked. Maybe that will go away, or maybe it won't.

I'm so nervous to go back to work tomorrow, you have no idea. I almost feel as nervous as when I first started there, and it's stupid because the weekdays are by far easier than weekends, and I've worked weekends every week for the last year.

So I've been working away, adding new features as they pop into my head. With the recent addition of a 'recent activity' feed, I got a few ideas of how to improve the feature, and reduce the chances of a single user flooding their feed with repetitive information. I've implemented these ideas, as well as a few tweaks to improve the overall use of the site.

I'm super tired, but not tired. I'm very sore, in pain really. My fingertips hurt so much that even typing makes me notice how sore they are. Work was terrible today, in fact, the majority of the day just seems like work, work, work, work...

I would say that my time has been spent well this week, and overall I've felt pretty good. It is without a doubt better than last week, for sure, and while there are always ups and downs, I feel like I really had some time to relax this week, mainly when I had time to sit down and become absorbed into a game, like Max Payne 2 or Final Fantasy 5.

I don't particularly care for where my writing has gone lately, maybe in a long time, but then I keep reminding myself it's just for my own purposes, just a history book, not to be good writing. I'm not sure exactly how useful this history will be however, because I rarely talk about how I'm feeling, and that seems like one of the only reasons to keep track, but... anyway, I guess I'll just keep it going, I'm sure my writing will transform as my age grows.