Excessive

As fun as it is to do nothing but play video games, eat junk food and stay up late doing both of those at the same time, I think it slowly drives me crazy, and while I may be exagerating slightly, I do believe it has a large impact on my mental state, in a negative way, or at least, I think it does.

I've noticed lately that, while not depressed or anything, I feel very A.D.D., I've been complaining about these feelings for years, if you look over my entries, it keeps coming up over and over... my mind is racing too fast to pick out thoughts, my heart is pounding, I can't stop tapping my leg or moving my feet or knees or whatever. It probably has to do with my intake of food and no physical activity all day.

I'm nervous to go back to the way things were, the way things should be... I can't explain why, I don't think it's rational, but it makes me nervous. I'm nervous about going to sleep, I'm nervous about going to work tomorrow, I'm nervous about not being able to play WoW as much as I have been. Obviously the effect that being a shut-in has on me also includes increased anxiety, as I can feel the effects very strongly at this point.

I'm going back to work tomorrow for the first time in five days, first time since Christmas, and it's going to be a big shock I think... but I'm sure I'll adapt to it quickly, as I always do. Tomorrow is new years eve, which means nothing to me... but work will probably be busy, I just hope the items on the menu aren't retarded and there isn't hor's or anything. I'm there from 12pm to over dinner, so... whenever the wedding is over and I can leave, so maybe 8pm, maybe 9pm... maybe later. The bad news is on Saturday I work at 7am, so I have to work really late and then work really early, and that my friend, is what you call a dick move. Not sure if I work next week yet, but I'm guessing I work Sunday, and probably Monday because Jeff is like that, and then I go back to school on Tuesday.

School should be good, I mean, I was really starting to enjoy all that school had to offer, I felt like I belonged and that I was good at what I did, so getting back to that will probably be good, but right at this second, I'm not that excited, or even really looking forward to it, but I think it's just because I've been away for awhile. My first day back I have two hours of C++ followed by two hours of Workplace Behaviours, with no break, so school only from 8am to 12:00pm, which seems pretty sweet to me, so I'm okay with that.

I've been playing World of Warcraft a large amount in the last week, playing various characters on my own, like my hunter which is now level 83 and really fun, my warlock which I got to 80, and my mage which I only briefly played but am looking forward to sinking more time into it, and when I play with Michelle, I play my Warrior, and when I play with Ben I play my druid. Over the week, I played the hunter the most, and played with Ben even more than that, so played the druid more than anything. We got to level 85, and are now finishing quests in Uldum to bring our rep up, as well as running level 84-85 regular dungeons to get enough gear to start doing heroics. My druid is a lot of fun, I've been leveling and doing dungeons as feral dps.. cat form.. and I can generally always get the top of the dps meter, and that makes it a lot of fun! I've got the gear to do heroics now, so we just need to work to get Ben ready, so we can grind gear and get geared up enough to destroy faces and perhaps raid one day.

I haven't really been eating well lately, skipping meals, and not really eating lunch or anything... it's probably not helping me feel okay, so it will be nice to get back to some kind of routine regarding eating as well. I'm almost out of food, or really... I am out of food, and only have a few things of tomatos left to eat for dinners, I've got no lunch food, and have only a couple pieces of bread left for toast. The one thing, actually, one of the things I enjoy the most about school is being able to go to the grocery store after school and actually be stocked up on good breakfast food, good lunches like fresh sandwhiches and then have awesome dinners, like chicken, pork, nice pasta and just.. options. To sit down at a normal time, like.. 5:30pm.. the sky has gotten dark, and the lamp is on, I feel hungry and physically tired, but have high spirits, I feel good. I can sit down, eat a nice, filling meal, make a coffee, and then decide what I want to do for the evening to relax. I am looking forward to that for sure.

I've yet to figure out if I'll be able to raid as a regular part of my week, since generally raiding goes until 12am, and I've got school most days at 8am, so that's a 6:00am wake up time. I suppose if I really want to sacrifice, I could stop raiding at 12am, be in bed by 12:30am, and get a 5.5 hour sleep Tues/Wed, which are the days I'd raid. but... I could just retire from raiding... but... it's like.. the reason to play. Why get to 85, why do heroics to gear out, if you aren't going to do anything with it. I've also not really enjoyed playing my priest lately... I feel weak, I go out of mana, my aoe is useless... I really just don't feel powerful, and that's backwards to how I used to feel, but maybe it's just a gear issue, and if I keep playing, I'll get better, I'm not sure. The hunter is probably my favorite dps rotation right now, it feels fluid and natural, and I top meters, in fact I do more dps on my level 83 hunter than I do my heroic geared 85 priest. I've considered changing mains but it feels like a betrayal almost, I've invested so much into my priest, my achievements, my time, everything, I'd like to continue it... so, we'll see. I'm like, 90% sure I'll stick with the priest.

Can you tell I think about WoW too much? This is a problem, because my mind is constantly racing about these things and it makes it so I can't do anything else, or relax. Taking a sleep pill helps, and lets me process thoughts, but I only get about an hour or so before I can't even function.

I actually did take a bit of time away from WoW yesterday because of overdosing on playing, and I took that time to start playing Final Fantasy XIII (yes, that's Final Fantasy 13 for you stupid people). Going into the game, I wasn't really that excited, and had no expections, in fact, I was expecting it to underwhelm or even disappoint me, looking back it seems weird that I would feel that way considering how much I have enjoyed, loved, super loved all the other Final Fantasy games. But yeah, going in I thought it was going to be lame, but almost right away, almost right from the first cinematic, I was more excited about the story and world than I have been about anything in years. I know that sounds weird, but I was immediately intrigued by the world right away. I wanted to know more, I wanted to know where it was going and who everyone was and was kind of blown away with how immersive it is. The complaint can be made that the game is basically long cinematic story sequence after long cinematic story sequence split up by very short portions where you simply run down a corridor, get in a fight and mash X a few times, but I mean... that's okay with me. So far it's just the beginning area, so I know they want to keep it simple, and the story is just so interesting and awesome that it's what I'm playing for, and I don't care if there isn't much gameplay yet, because I just want to get to the next story portion.

The battle system itself is really simple, you only control the main character and all party members are controlled automatically. You then have three options. You can auto-battle, which when you target an enemy, automatically selects the best abilities to use given the context, for example, a target on its own, it will select two attack actions, or, if you target an enemy standing near another, it will use an aoe attack. Essentially, if you trust the AI, you can simply mash auto-attack and it will automatically select the best things to use given the targets location. The second option is to manually select each ability by yourself, for more controlled fights. The third option is to use items, to heal yourself, which as far as I can tell, will never be automated in auto-battle, so you do need to keep an eye on your party life. I'm assuming the system gets more complex as the game goes on, as of right now it's usually just auto battle until you have to use a potion.

I can forgive the battle system for now because of the characters and story are so interesting, and I look forward to playing it more when I have a chance, but, like all activities, I can only do one thing, and playing WoW has been too tempting, so I haven't picked up FFXIII as much as I would like. I'll find time to play more though, I would've played it tonight if I didn't have to work tomorrow.

It was like... 12:30am and I just kind of noticed how anxious I was, and how hyper feeling I was, so I knew I had to do something to wind down, even though at the time I really, really wanted to play WoW, I forced myself to log off, I had a nice bath, shaved, got all clean and decided that sitting down to watch a movie would probably be the safest and easiest way to really relax. I put in Blade 2, as I just watched Blade yesterday (as I farmed ore in WoW no less) and I always enjoy the Blade movies, so it's been fun to watch. I just started writing this entry, watching the movie, having a small snack... took a sleeping pill (obviously, look at how much I wrote) and now I'm really feeling the effects. Blade 2 is just ending, and the space bar on my laptop isn't responding as accurately as I'd like, so I'm getting annoyed... but since the movie is almost over, and the sleeping pill is kicking my ass, I really should finish up here, and go to sleep.

Just as a final note, I've been listening to a ton of music over the week, listening to unrated music I have an rating it... a process I've been working on for years and years, eventually I want to have everything rated and listened to once, a project that has been on going for so long and will probably never come to an end, but still, I try. I was letting iTunes DJ create lists of music... songs that start with A, that I've listened to once, but have never rated. Even with that specific of criterea, I still had a list of about 600 songs, but i managed to get it down to around 400 by last night, so I feel like I had accomplished something. Anyway, I've been listening to a real wide variety of music, and have been rediscovering, or discovering, new music to listen to, and that's always exciting.

Anyway, I think I'll just sync my iPod, read a few more things online, and then go to sleep. I will talk to you soon, probably in the new year! Look forward to best of 2010 lists and other similiar things coming soon, just like I did last year! Bye!

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