Excessive

I do things that don't make sense, out of a loyalty to routine, or dedication or a blind devotion to structure... I don't really know. I do things and I'm aware that it's either not in my best interest or just stupid or useless, but do them anyway.

I got a ride to work this morning, so I didn't have to wake up as early as I normally would have, but it was still early. I woke up around 6am, and didn't eat breakfast. Yeah, starting the day off horribly... no toast, no coffee... couldn't really imagine a worse way to start the morning. I sat around and eventually got ready to leave, and Spencer picked me up around 6:40am and we left for work.

Work was frustrating... it was a different kind of aggravating than usual... Right off the bat I got in trouble for not having specific fruit for some group, even though it should've been ordered days in advance, and I just put out the fruit we had, because it was that or not put out any at all... Hannah talked to me with disrespect, and then later even explained that she knew it wasn't my fault, but she was going to talk shit to me because I just happened to be the one there. Like.. how can you be aware of your retardedness and then continue to be retarded? Also, the day was pretty busy, but I was told that I was doing inventory, news to me, and because I spent like.. six hours counting shit, I stayed late to finish the days work, because I was essentially the only person in to do it. Fuck. Off.

I got a ride home and arrived home around 4:45pm, getting home and simply making a list of things I needed to grab at the grocery store. Around 5:00pm, I left, walking to the store in the nice weather, listening to the Morning Stream. I grabbed the stuff I needed... mushrooms, coffee, coffee filters, popcorn, and so on. Once I got home, I made dinner which consisted of spaghetti and arugula/mushroom/chevre salad. I watched some Jimmy Fallon as I ate, and eventually made coffee and ate a Mr. Big.

After dinner I tried to play games but felt disinterested in everything... so I decided to go sit at the computer, but opened a browser and literally fell asleep in my chair. I think I napped - sitting up - for about ten minutes or maybe even more, I'm not sure. At this point I started to get pretty frustrated with myself, as it's just a wasted day if all I do is sleep or nap, or even just sit around too tired to do anything. I moved back to the living room and browsed through games... playing a game for a few minutes and then trying another, kind of just checking to see if any game tickled my fancy. Eventually, Deus Ex: Human Revolution kinda stuck a bit more than the other games I played, although so far the stealth seems a bit less fun than I had hoped it would.

I played until around 9pm, when I ran a bath, sat down in the living room and started writing. I turned on the rest of Jimmy Fallon and now I'm watching The Daily Show.

I'd love to stay up later, I'd love to write more, but I feel like shit, feel sick, feel annoyed with myself, and keep having strange thoughts run through my head... so I figure I should stop now and call it a night soon.

602 words