Excessive

Today was productive, in that I spent most of the time working on a school project, and enjoyed it, and had fun with the creativity behind it.

It's felt like so long since I had time to myself, or time to relax, and I don't mean by myself myself, I just mean, time where I don't have things to do. I want time where I have no plans, no things to stress me out or make me feel nervous. Last week was so busy, with Monday being a day of shopping and nervous breakdowns, Wednesday was Thrice, and I worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so really Tuesday and Thursday were the only days I actually had normal time, and it was spent working on school stuff and what not. This week is a bit better, with a shift at work on Wednesday, but then only the weekend, so free most of the week.

I do have a midterm tomorrow, and I haven't really studied, but I never really do, so... is that good? No, probably not... but is it terrible, probably not either. I don't even know what I would study, considering all of our course content has been practical so far, so really, I should know most of the stuff just because I've been doing it.

So I woke up this morning... I don't really remember the time but it was without an alarm or anything, but my waking up wasn't very pleasant, as I was woken up by yelling and crying and whatever from down below, so I slowly got out of bed and made breakfast, and started on some work on the project and reading stuff online as I ate.

I cleaned up the house a bit, walked to the grocery store to get stuff for a meat loaf dinner, cooked a batch of tomatoes, and played Diablo 3 a little bit. For the most part, I spent most of my time working on a task manager (or to do list) GUI app for my GUI class. I wanted to make it really nice, so I want to put some good amount of time into it.

Tomorrow is school - the midterm - and then home.

Can't wait to be home. I already wish I was just at home.

Edit

As a side note, this time last year, or about this time, I was being killed by being overworked and struggling with having the energy and motivation to go to school, and suffering through a personal life riddled with possible catastrophes, like a mine field. Things are so much better now, I'm not going from day to day, wondering if I'll make it through the week. With less time at work, while money is tight, I don't feel as crazy, I don't feel as desperate or hopeless. WIth Bekki around, I don't feel aimless and lonely, or wonder if I'll grow old alone. I have an outlet, someone to share my love and excitement with, and I have time to work on school and get better marks than last semester.

Reading through entries from this time last year, or from about this time leading up until around December... it's scary. It's... sort of a glimpse into a darker part of life, or a window into what life could be like if I'm miserable.

I'm in a much better place now, and while there are still significant ups and downs, the ups and downs are floating over a much better baseline.

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