Excessive

I've felt so strange lately... for the last two weeks or so I've felt so unbelievable nervous/anxious all the time. I feel nervous sitting here on my living room floor, listening to Bright Eyes, typing on the keyboard. I have that feeling in your stomache you get before you go to the dentists. I can't seem to shake it no matter what I do, no matter where I look for comfort it just seems to keep following me around and it's making me feel very dejected and I feel detatched from reality.

There are so many things I want to say, to so many people, and nothing is coming out, nothing is even entering my mind. It feels like a part of me is dying and I can't even figure out why the hell it's all happening. Maybe I'm just being overdramatic... I don't even know what I'm being... oh well, Mark kept me company on MSN tonight, so it wasn't as bad as it could've been.

I only feel comfortable going to bed if there is already someone asleep in the bed it seems. I feel empty and alone when I get in bed and it's just Tidus ignoring me, and not Emily snoring and stealing all my blankets. It feels so wrong to be alone in there... it feels wrong to watch TV all alone, even if it is the Mythbusters.

When I was sitting on the couch earlier, I invisioned myself laying in bed on my stomache, writing a long and interesting entry for over an hour, with the TV comfortably on in the background, with the cats playing around me and just writing... I haven't moved from the couch and sitting here cross legged and uncomfortable, feeling alone and scared, and I don't see a single cat... I don't know why I can't be where I want to be.

I wish we could be where we wanted to be.

324 words

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