Excessive

I slept in again today, which I kind of expected as I took a sleeping pill and then proceeded to stay up until like.. 1am last night watching Conan and browsing the same websites over and over again. I justified sleeping in because I'd be missing programming, a class I can miss, but then I'd have lunch and go in for networking, which started at noon, so I could just leave at 11 after lunch and be fine. But, I somehow convinced myself it would be okay to miss networking and stay in all day, and deep down I know it's not the right choice. I really need to stop missing school, even missing a class once and awhile is a bad habit to get into because you never know when something important will be covered, and repeating information you already know, while may seem boring, it's a very reliable way to start memorizing things, even when you don't realise it's happening.

I need to get back into routine, I don't know how many times I need to write it out, or complain about it, but again and again, I know for a fact that I need a set routine in order to stay sane... and I mean it, sane, to stay sane. I need the same thing every month, every week, every day to feel comfortable and sane, and okay, and good. I have bief lapses in judgement and break my routine, stay home all day and then wonder why I feel depressed and feel not normal, and it even goes so far as messing with my mind, I don't recognize my own apartment, I feel like I don't belong, like I'm in the wrong place. It's really messed up that all these feelings can come from nothing more than trying to give myself a break. I feel guilty, or... at least, I know I'm doing something wrong when I stay home, which sucks. I need to stop taking these sleeping pills, but I like how they make me feel and how they let me write so much, but I think they're making it really hard to get up at 6am like I have to, so.. once these are gone I probably won't buy any more. They are a part of the problems I have going on with me, so adding more shit to it probably isn't the best idea. I just find it so much easier to write after I've taken a sleeping pill, and it's not just in my mind, it has something to do with the high from it. Anyway...

Even though I've missed some school, especially recently, I've got like.. a 99% in programming, 97.5% in business, a 98.9% in databases, and an A+ in networking (not sure of the exact mark).. so obviously I'm doing really really well. I am still excited by school, and even recently I had a sort of self-discovery, that I was actually looking forward to going to school, and that some of the people are pretty cool, and that coming to a class room surrounded by people with similiar interests is pretty neat, and I feel comfortable there for the most part, and it's nice. I remember walking down the hall, towards where I have to go to catch the bus and found myself thinking, "Man I like it here, I wish I could stay here longer." and that's a pretty momentous thing for me. At first I was nervous, but really, now I'm starting to feel like a part of something bigger, I'm starting to get to know a small group of people, and while it's nothing like highschool, or work, or anything, it's nice to go in and have a few people take the time to say hi, nod, or show interest. I have one friend who I consider an intellectual equal (or as far as I can tell) whom I collaberate with on group projects, so that works out because the work I do and share with him isn't over his head and we can discuss ideas and theories and actually have a back and forth about the topic. There is another guy that refers to me as the genuis, which while I appreciate the compliment, I know that I'm not, I just understand this material a lot more than most of those around me. I kind of like knowing so much because people can come to me for information or tips or help, people can look up to me, and I don't know if I've felt that before, at least it not being some weird reflection of my sickness. School is good... I just wish it was free. Next payment is due on December 2nd.

When I woke up today I had originally wanted to go to school, so I made lunch instead of breakfast. I made a ham sandwhich, a pickle, a couple olives and a Coke, I watched some TV, but after that, it was cold and wet outside, and I just didn't want to get up off the couch, so I decided to stay home, and so I emailed my friend Calen to tell him to let me know if we cover anything in networking I need to know, but at that same time, he sent me a message over steam saying he wasn't going either, so haha, that didn't work out too well. I worked on finishing up some changes I wanted to add in the the Quiz Test Plus program that no one knows anything about beyond myself, Michelle and Ben. I added a splash screen/title banner thing, version tracking information, fixed a couple bugs that Ben and I found the day before, and fixed some formatting issues. Ah yes, and I spent a lot of time working and finishing a progress bar for when a quiz is being loaded... it's actually a pretty complex math problem. I had to add a bunch of variables to the Quiz class, a coupe functions that could be accessed from within the Answer class... basically it goes like this. It knows how many answers there are going to be, and then every time an answer is loaded, it sends a command to print progress to the progress bar, but you set the progress bar width, so it always has to be a converted to a percentag rather than an absolute value. Anyway, it was a complex problem to figure out, but I did it. I can now just set the values for how wide I want the bar, what character I want to use as the body of the bar, and what title I want to set above the bar. I was really proud of it actually... I watched Transformers 2 while I was working, and while entertaining enough, the movie was kind of boring, and I didn't like it that much. The first one was much better, but again, it was entertaining enough to keep me happy while coding, so that's all I ask from the movies I pick.

For dinner I made chicken parmesan, which is just chicken breasts cut in half so they are thin, then pounding them out with a meat hammer (haha that's what she said) and then breadin them in a mix of panko, oregano, basil, salt, pepper and onion powder. Once they're breaded, you just fry them on both sides in some shallow canola oil until both sides are starting to brown and become crispy, and from there you set them on a baking sheet, spread warm tomato sauce over each one, and then cover the tomato sauce with cheese (in my case I used mozzerella because I a) like it the most on these, pizzas, pastas and so on, and b) i don't have any parmesan, so it was pretty easy to decide on what to use). With that, I made roast potatoes, and green beans and baby carrots. Overall I was very pleased with the result and it was one of the better tasting dinners I've had in awhile. While it is nice to mix things up for dinner, it's also nice to stick with a routine of the same dinners all the time. For dessert I had a mars bar and a glass of milk and it was a good way to end the dinner.

After dinner, I finished watching Criminal Minds which we had started with dinner, then Michelle put on Big Bang Theory, and I played a bit of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2 (long title) and eventually watched 30 Rock and the Office while working on some homework.

The reason I was playing FFTA2 tonight was because I haven't really been playing many games recently with so much school and work, I pretty much only play StarCraft 2 twice a week at most, never play WoW and haven't touched a console game since almost a year ago (boxing day time). The idea of playing a turn based strategy had me craving FFTA2 because I've never played more than 4 hours into it, and I'm sure it's a good game. The first time I went to college in 2004 I played FFTA every day on the bus there and home, so it sometimes pops in my head as a good memory, so I might try to play it on the busses, since it's easy to jump in and out of since the game is centered around turn based fights. I was hard to concentrate tonight while playing which is why I eventually turned it off, but I plan on going back soon to play more.

Tomorrow I'm not going to programming... see, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, why are you skipping class tomorrow when you just got done writing a huge paragraph about how you don't want to miss anymore... yeah well, I'm going to start that next week. Tomorrow I have to work at 4pm, so I have to leave at 3pm to get there in time, and going to school for two hours and then coming home just to go to work seems retarded. So I'm going to sleep in, have lunch, watch some TV and then go to work to begin the weekend. It sucks because I know that weekends are total hell for me, I get overworked, I get tired, exausted, unhealthy, I never feel good after work, I can never go to the grocery store or do any home work and I just don't ever look forward to weekends now.

Well, I'm almost dying here, I can't concentrate or do anything, so I'm going to stop writing and just go to sleep.

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