Excessive

Today at work was pretty bad, but not specifically because of work itself, no it was the pounding, unbelievable pain of arthritis in my legs, hips and back that drove me insane with pain and suffering for what seemed like years. I begged a woman I didn't even know for medication of any kind and she helped me out with three extra strength acetemetophins, which took about a half hour to an hour to kick in, but most of the day had already gone by and it was... well... what seemed like a long day. One good thing to mention is: Tiffany (a supervisor at work) whispered to me while I was on a call, "you're doing _great_ this morning!" which is always nice to hear.

I've been more uncomfortable than normal recently because I have nothing to drink. I have no lemonaide left, no orange juice, no coke, no anything. I feel so dehydrated and I just don't want to drink water. I only drink it when I really really need it and I have to chug it down really fast so I can't really taste it... makes me gag.. agh. I can't wait until friday night when I can get some god damn lemonaid. Fucking crap I say.. fucking crap.

Last night I had an episode where I couldn't breath (I'm not really sure if I mentioned it in my journal, but I remember telling a couple people on MSN... everytime I breathed in it burned and I couldn't get enough breathe. I have never had an asthma attack, but it made it seem like I wouldn't enjoy it...) and anyway, I felt sick and couldn't breathe and when I went to bed I got very sick to my stomache and almost threw up and I started shaking and my mind went insane like it does sometimes and it was just overall unpleasent. I blame it on my pills, and lack of pink lemonaid... I just hope it doesn't happen again tonight, but I have a bad feeling it will.

I've been a lot more depressed lately, all this week, even while on my pill regularly, and I seriously think it has to do with me not having Coke and Chips to eat while I play games. It brings me such comfort. I feel so alienated by my home and what I see and feel and I just don't feel good, and for some reason I think I'd feel so much better if I had a cold Coke and a bowl of Doritos.. how sad and pathetic is that? Just enough for me I'd say :P

ik heb een dergelijk eenzaam hart. ik ben veel weg zo, maar toch omringd; ik ben leeg en alleen.

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