Excessive

How am I feeling? That's an interesting question... let me think. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm feeling physically uncomfortable, and mentally distracted and anxious. While, generally speaking, my day was fine, it was pretty draining, and now that I'm home, instead of actually relaxing like I honestly should've been able to do, I've been the complete opposite, I've been uncomfortable, my heart is pounding, I'm distracted and my mind is racing.

I worked 8 to 4 and actually left at 3:30pm... the day went quickly and smoothly, it was just Allen and I and we kicked the shit out of the buffet. Everything was great and it made me feel good to do such good things with such little effort.

I had an interesting experience on the way to work today, I suppose it's worth mentioning for the history books. It was around 7:20pm when I made it downtown on my way to work. As you know, I take two buses to work; I catch the Southcrest by my house and that takes me downtown, where I walk a block north and catch the second bus about ten or fifteen minutes later, the Wellington, at Richmond and Queen. As I was walking up there was one other person, along with one older normal looking man. At first glance I noticed something seemed odd, as it appeared he was wearing long johns and that came off as strange to me, so I kind of did a double take as I was walking in that direction anyway. As I got closer I realized he was struggling with his pants, which where half down, exposing what were in fact the long johns that I had suspected they were, and then he waddled backwards a bit and proceeded to shit on the sidewalk. Not like, a normal shit, but like, explosive diarrhea, naturally. It was difficult to believe at first, especially at 7:30am when I'm still half asleep, but my first reaction was to post about it on Facebook, which garnered quite a reaction from commenters. After the dude had vacated his bowels, he pulled up his pants, put on his fanny pack and picked up his coffee and continued waiting for the bus as if he hadn't just shit in front of people on the sidewalk. To add to the enjoyability of my morning, he actually got on my bus as well! Ugh... what a fucking morning.

After work Julie and I went shopping, Christmas shopping to be specific. We drove to my house where I printed out a list of the things I wanted to buy, because being organized when you are out at this time of year is important for not wanting to kill everyone or yourself. We had a couple beers and listened to music as we planned the evening, eventually leaving around 6pm to White Oaks. We went in Futureshop, Chapters... had some food at A&W and Marble Slab, went to Dollerama and then Wal-mart, where I got the majority of my stuff.

I don't go out very often besides my grocery store... maybe twice a year total, sometimes just once, and any time that I do go out, especially without headphones on, I'm repeatedly reminded why I prefer to stay inside. People are retarded, and I think that's a fair generalization. The things people say, wear, carry themselves, treat other people, treat the place they are spending time in... it's all just so disgusting. I'll stay in for another year I think...

So a lot of my Christmas shopping is done now, and I can get the rest from within walking distance of my house, so I feel pretty good about that.

I wanted to program tonight as a way to relax but my FTP server won't connect so I can save or upload the work, and it's really frustrating me. I'm not enjoying tv, not enjoying any food I have tried to eat, not enjoying where I'm sitting, or my bath. I have no one to talk to, nothing to look forward to, I just feel like I have a pit in my stomach.

This should've been a nice night. This should've been one of those warm, cozy, happy nights, where I know I can sleep in and I do nothing but feel good about things and enjoy the freedom of having time but instead I feel more pressure than ever, I feel like I'm drowning, like I have five minutes to live. This is not a nice night, this is not a nice anything. I couldn't I have just made this a good night.

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