June 22, 2004 3:23AM
this.place.is.a.prison.and.these.people.arent.you.friends
These are just some pictures of me at JJs the day before I left Toronto.
I thought I'd throw them up here.
I have no idea where I should even start.. or how far I'm actually going to get... I think what I'm going through at this second has already been said by me in a conversation with a new friend, about five minutes ago.. so I'm gonna be a lazy ass and just copy and paste it :P
So.. I'm gonna try... let's go back to me going home to London.
Over The Stars [pushing sleep away.. not sure why] says:i feel like i should be doing something. (completely unrelated) hehe.. i feel like I have all this built up energy. i want to write. or just do something! baah! *wiggles*.we spend our whole lives searching for what we think we want, never really knowing what we have. says:
do it! those are the times that your best things get created.we spend our whole lives searching for what we think we want, never really knowing what we have. says:
cause you release all that energyOver The Stars [pushing sleep away.. not sure why] says:yeah but for some reason i cant. it happens to me all the time i can feel the energy building up inside me, trying to push out my finger tips, and nothing comes out. except this feeling of wasting time. i think thats probably why I don't want to sleep.. i wanted to write a new journal entry, and I think of a few things to write, but then when I actually think about doing it, it makes me feelOver The Stars [pushing sleep away.. not sure why] says:sick and I don't want to anymore.Over The Stars [pushing sleep away.. not sure why] says:silly me
Friday sucked. I went to the Greyhound station with JJ and Emily (noodlecrew) and bought my ticket home, which was only $24.. and then got in line at the right terminal. Saying goodbye to Emily was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She started crying, and I couldn't get on the bus knowing she was crying, so we said our long goodbyes and I told her she should just go.. which she did, and I got on the bus and cried for awhile. It was really hard... but I can't help but look to the future and smile. Some asshole sitting in front of me put his chair way back so I had no room to take out my laptop, so I slept off and on and just sat there the whole trip home, constantly thinking of Emily and JJ and how much I didn't want to come home. The trip took two and a half hours, and when I got into London, I called my Sister (greatest sister ever by the way) she came and picked me up. She gave me a tour of her new house, which she moved into while I was in Toronto, and she also took me to No Frills so I can get some grcoerys for the month (spagetthi and spagetthi sauce, and bread). She gave me an old phone she doesn't use anymore, and a birthday card my grandparents gave her to give to me for my birthday, and then went home. My kitties missed me a lot... I missed Marle so much. Anyway, I got in and I quickly made supper, ate it in a few minutes, sweated a whole lot, got ready to go out and headed out to teresas to go to the rage for THE FETISH MASQUERADE SHOW!!!
On to the show!! Of course, Ashley #6 sucked soooo much that I wouldn't have been surprised if people started throwing chairs, tables or large mammles at them just to get them to shut the fuck up. I was hanging out with the boys upstairs and we were talking about how much ass they blew. And.. yes.. they suck. So, after Ashley #6 stopped sucking and left, The Fetish Masquerade got on stage, and after an excellent introduction from Tim, rocked the fucking socks off everyone in that fucking club. Kurt was sooo badass, Dave dedicated a song to me (aww), I ALMOST got Amos shirt off, and Owen was.. well, Owen was Owen.. he played with a dangly lightbulb. The shows they put on keep getting better and better, and each time I tell them the same things... they're going places. They're probably getting sick of it or think I'm just making it up, but holy crap man, these guys rock. Anyway, I came with Teresa, Michelle, Jenny, Sarah and Blair, and ran into Melissa and Ian at the show, and hung out with Ally and Nicole a lot. It was so much fun. Kurt insisted that I go back to the bands house, so I stuck around till the bar closed, and the band, myself, sarah (owens), nicole, beth.. and some more poeple.. I dunno (i was drunk, I don't really remember), and once we arrived at the house, we all just partied. Kurt gave me some free beer, we ate week old chicken nuggets, Kurt, Dave, Amy and Nicole and I all walked over to the McDonalds and convinced them to serve us, which they did, and I got an Egg McMuffin. Everything else that happened is more blurry.. just kinda hung out. Amos made it through most of the night with his clothes on, but eventually reverted to his natural form of just boxers. Owen, Sarah and I all waited around until 6:30am and left and caught the first bus home, which I kept falling asleep on and eventually got home. Pretty hard bus ride though.. and that was the show.
Saturday was hell. I cried a lot, for many reasons. Linzie was mean to me, other shit happened, I have to get rid of my Kairi, aand another one of the hardest things happened, Emily left for Mexico for two weeks. Saying goodbye was sooo painful. I had never cried so much in one day. On the left is just a picture I captured on my own, without her knowing. She looked so beautiful, I just wanted to capture it... she's not posing, theres nothing edited.. that's just her.. that's Emily. It feels so good to feel so bad about her leaving. Make sense? I'm lucky to care so much about someone that it hurts me to even be awaay from her for an hour, and now I have to be away from her for two weeks. It's going to be hard, but I can just look forward to everything that's going to come in the future. I'm going to write her a lot of emials, letters... and I guess I can use some of my free time to sort out my life.. hehe. My sister is taking me out Tuesday I think to go job hunting. She's gonna drive me around and come in places with me and really help me. I'm looking for a full time job now.. I'm taking a year off college because... well.. it's a long story. Something I WILL go into in detail eventually.. maybe later in this entry, but I'm going to get a full time job and just work my ass off, save my money, and make something out of myself.
Sunday was fun. I guess I can say that. It was definitley an experience... hehe. The day was just.. a normal day. Except I got to talk to one of my newest best friends, Nahtalie, who is not only amazingly interesting and likable, but gorgeous too. So yeah, we're going to be bestfriends.. I can tell already. So, Sunday night is 80's night at Call The Office and The Rage, so around 9:30pm I started getting ready to go out. I decided to wear my bellbottoms, platforms, pikachu shirt with a red shirt under it, and my red sunglasses, along with my pink mittens. I also did my hair and got all pretty. Here is a couple pictures of what I looked like:
And so once I was ready, I caught the last bus running downtown, at 10:30, and was off! Half way there, Ian and Melissa got on the bus (who were coming with me) which was great, so that way they could just come with me. When we got downtown, Ally wasn't where she was supposed to be, but we ran into Kurt, Nicole and Amy, and decided to just head to CTO without Ally, as she was probably there already, but when we crossed the street, Ally was running out of Tim's building to join us :) Good ol' Ally! hehe. So off we went, paid the $2 cover charge and rocked it to the 80s. Soon after we got there, Dave arrived and we also ran into Jake a couple times. Smirnoff was there giving away free samples, which I had like.. five of. I also bought a few beers. Dave bought me a shot of tequila, along with Kurt, so we did those, which weren't as bad as I thought, even though I was pretty far gone by that point. So after a bit more drinking, watching people dance and hanging out with the peeps (we were probably there for a few hours at least), and off to the rage we went.
My Outfit! My Hairdoo!!
When we got there, I was already pretty drunk, (but I do remember skipping the way with Ally). So once at the Rage, Tim was there so I said hi a few times... I'm going to try really hard to stay away from him when I'm drunk because I actually want to be his friend and NOT be a complete ass in his eyes. Someone bought me another shot of tequlia, I had a few more beers, Ian bought me a shot of sour puss, the bartender girl really liked me and throughout my stay at the rage, she did three broken down golf carts, all for free! And so.. I was pretty fucking out of it, if you can imagine. I remember Ian and Melissa taking off, I remember staying with Dave most of the time there.. and I remember Ally telling Nicole to make sure I go to the boys house, becuase Ally wanted to make other plans (as I'm sure all of you know, I also go back to Allys when I drink), and so Nicole told me to stick with them, instead of Ally, which I did. I don't remember leaving the rage, or going to Stobies Pizza, but I DO remember being AT stobies. I remember running in and asking if Chris was there (Julia's boyfriend) but he wasn't. I have no idea what I would've said.. or rather yellled if he had been there.. it's probably better that he wasnt. When we were waiting for our pizza, both Kurt and Dave were throwing up, but Dave was way more out of it than Kurt. I sat beside Dave and tried to make sure he was okay. I remember Nicole handing my pizza and I dropped it on my leg and then onto the floor, and it burnt my leg, and i still ate it hehe. Then after that, I remember them calling a taxi, and it arriving. Dave was still totally fucking out of it, and wouldn't move, or get up or anything, and they all got in the cab and I remember telling them I wasn't leaving Dave, so off they went. I remember hugging into Dave and talking to him.. telling him he should quit drugs and drinking, and that he doesn't need that shit to write good lyrics, and I remember he kept agreeing with me. Whatever happened after that, I have no memory of. Apparently we both passed out pretty quickly in the flower bed in front of stobies. At 5:30am, Ally was walking home from Tims place, and saw us laying there. She woke us up, and was really pissed off because she told Nicole to take care of me but there I was. She got a cab and made sure Dave and I were inside, and took us to the boys house. I had pizza/puke on my pants and mittens (daves puke, cause I didn't throw up) and I had bird shit on my shirt, so Ally took my shirt off for me, and then laid me on the couch, where I instantly passed out. So Dave was home safe hehe, I did my job. I woke up at around Noon when Amos left his room to most likely make toast (silly amos). I had such a bad headahe and felt like throwing up.. I was still totally drunk but I knew I'd be way more comfortable at home, so I gathered all of my stuff up and left right away, and caught a bus to the mall. I remember trying really hard not to throw up on the bus, which I didn't, and it was the longest bus ride ever. Once I got to the mall, I bought cat food and six juiceboxes, which I drank really fast, cause I was dehydrated. Then I caught the bus home (anothe really hard ride), and passed out in my bed as soon as I got home.
So I guess that brings us to today. I woke up at 3:30pm with the WORST headache ever, and I was really really dizzy. I went and had a shower, a burning hot, hour long shower, which always help hangovers. After that, I went back to sleep right away. Waking up again at 8pm, I remember talking to Ally, telling her how I feel like shit, and I knew if I threw up I'd feel better, and I feel like I had to throw up, but I wasn't. I was frustrated. I took a big gulp of Coke and boom, I knew it was coming. I ran to the bathroom and well.. you know. I felt much better although the fucking taste in my mouth was worse. I made some toast, and sat down and ate them. Between then and now, I've just been sitting, listening to non-stop postal service, only taking a break to make some friend spagetthi and watch Anger Management. After I had eaten, I was feeling much better than earlier, but I still felt pretty sick, so I layed down and watched a movie called Darkness Falling, an indepenant film, which I initally thought was porn because the acting was so horrible, but Jason Priestley actually acted amazingly and it really added what was needed to this movie to make it worth watching. I was doubtful at first, that it'd be even worth watching, but it ended up being enjoyable enough, mostly because you could tell someone worked really hard on it, and had a passion for what he or she was doing. Overall, I'd say if you can see passed the horrid acting, check this one out. After the movie was over, I turned the light off, and was decideding waht to do (I played Diablo 2 for about five minutes) when someone added me to MSN. It was a very pretty, interesting girl, who, to this very second, I'm still talking to and loving every second of it. I'm glad that I'm making such wonderful friends, it's something I'm beginning to really cherish.All day today I've been listening to The Postal Service, and I plan on keeping that up for the next few days. I guess I've gotten most of what I wanted to say out now... I suppose I should stop in case I explode. Mayhaps I will write more tomorrow. I still wanted to write about a few things that have been on my mind. okay then.. I guess I should head to bed. I miss you Emily! and love all my new friends! YAY FOR THEM! Bye!
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Timeline
- I lived with Ben on Cartier
- I was with Emily
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