March 13, 2003 11:37PM
It's Been A Long Time I guess
I've wanted to write for a long time now I guess, but I haven't really had the opprotunity or.. well, the motivation, or something along those lines. I usually like writing alone and my computer isn't in my room anymore, so I can't write when I'm alone. So I never feel like I can sit down and write. Which means I've been writing a lot more in my personal journal, rather than here online, where most of the visitors, if not all of them, have already stopped coming.
A while ago I fell apart, from various stresses and happenings and my life was almost over.. my Mom made an appointment for me at my doctors and then asked me if I wanted to go for some psychological help... I hesitantly agreed, figuring it was better for me, for Linzie and for the future of my life.
My Dad came down for a week and he took me to the hospital to see a specialist about my leg. Basically the guy looked at the MRI's, asked me if I wanted surgery, or if I wanted to just live with the tumor. I thought about it and for some reason decided on living with it... mostly because I'm a coward.
Also while he was down, my appointment at the doctors had come, so I went with him and my Mom and talked to the doctor about my symptoms, showed her my scars, talked about my family ties with mental disorders and the doctor referred me to psychologist for a mental evaluation and asked if I would allow them to take my blood for testing and have a full physical. I agreed to the first. The appointment was made for the next week. While all of this was happening, I had to go in for a root canal and fillings, which I mentioned in a previous post. Talk about a lot happening... stressful. Fuck.
When I went in for my appointment with the psychologist, I was put in a small room with an asian gentleman, accompanied by my Mom. He asked me a lot of questions, a lot of them things my doctor had already asked me, and eventually the psychologist (a balding, grey haired man) walked in and sat down. Asked me a few more of the same questions. For most of the time, they focused mostly on my withdrawl from society (the fact I haven't left the apartment for anything other than work or groceries in three months) and my fear of people... they didn't even really touch on the actual reason I was there in the first place... my crippling depression and mood swings. So.. I'm now officially diagnosed with Social Anxiety and for my depression and mood swings they handed me perscription pills and left the room. About 15 minutes... they didn't even think about it, just handed me pills. God.. it bugs me so much because what if these aren't even right for me? Wouldn't taking them fuck me up even more? Meh.. I took them anyway.
At times they make me sick but overall, I'm either on an "up" period of mood, or the pills have made a difference, I honestly don't know for sure, but I keep taking them daily. I'll keep taking them until I know they don't do anything...
Things between Linzie and I have grown very good.. we weren't doing that well a while ago because of a few things, especially because of some things wrong with me... but since I've gotten help things have gotten so much better and we're stronger than ever and.. yup, we're going to be together forever, you just watch. Our one year is coming up soon and I'm soooo not bored with her in anyway... I await each day with eager anticipation to see what's next.
I bought Sing The Sorrow (Silver and Black) at Sunrise today. yes. It's very good. Right Owen?
I went to see Aggression at the Embassy the other night... basically to see Alexisonfire, but also to meet up with Owen who I hadn't seem in months. It was very good to see him again. We'll stay friends for a long time, even if we don't see each other. We've got an unspoken bond :P I think we understand each other. or maybe it's in my head... whatever. I hates brooms.
Other than that, I can't really think of anything else to say really. This is making me sweat, so I better stop.
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Timeline
- I lived with Ben on Cartier
- I was with Linzie
- I worked at Pizza Hut
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