July 21, 2002 12:00AM
Missing You
I miss Linzie. She got offline but I tried to say something to make her stay but she had already left. I was gping to stop playing WarCraft III so I wanted to talk to her.. but alas I'm alone :(
We had a great day though we spent 18 hours together and had lots of fun (4 and a half hours baby!). She came over at 6:30am and got in her pijamas and we slept together until 1:30pm.. it was so amazing. Nothing like waking up with the person you love in your arms. For some reason my Mom had thought she stayed the whole night and assumed we had lots and lots of sex but I finally talked her out of it (which was the truth) and she believes that we didn't. I think she actually understands how nice it is to sleep beside someone and obviously there's a time and place for sex and just because we were in a bed together doesn't mean we were horny rabits. Sex usually occures later in the day not early in the morning.. at least from my experience.
I seem quite unstable right now in the mind right now. I can concentrate on anything... I can't think straight.. I can't even focus on the same thing for very long.. it's driving me completely insane. Probably doesn't help that I find it very hot in my room... but I don't know what's actually causing it it's just annoying. It's stopping me from programming playing and enjoying WarCraft III (but for some reason I can still enjoy Solo games but only when Linzie's here.. I dunno why) it's stopping me from working on a computer for a long period of time... it's stopping me from lots of stuff... it'll go away soon right?
Oh well one thing gets better another problem is introduced. Everytime things are going good I come on this website and tell everyone how awesome things are... well soon after I make the announcement something horribly goes wrong and I get fucked up again... so maybe I really shouldn't talk about good things on here just to avoid the curse. Bah. Everything seems to be going good now everything except these occasional waves of depression/notmyselfness I get usually alone mostly at night. I feel closer to Linzie than ever.. I feel that we're going to last as long as we want to last... and I personally hope that's for a long long time and in an attempt to not sound so serious and scare her away I'll just say I don't want it to end. We've been talking a lot learning more and more about each other.. like we know things but lately we've been going more indepth about said things and thus learning more and more. Almost helping each other in a way by lending support from experience or preexisting knowledge.
I'm going back to play another game with Ben now see you's laters.
[5:52am] Well I was feeling kinda depressed and out of it but Ben and I played some more WarCraft III and some Tower D and Hero Arena and it was uplifting a bit. I want to go to bed because that means Linzie will get here faster but I can't go to bed because I'm not tired.. because well.. you all know *shakes fist* I was watching Fight Club the other day and the way that Ed Norton explains the feeling of Insomnia really does it justice.. I mean sure I've only got a mild case it doesn't affect me for weeks on end but I still feel strange for most of the time. It's like nothing's real everythings close but far away... you're never quite awake but never asleep... you find yourself questioning reality.... and so on. Oh well at least I don't need lots of sleep! Ben sleeps for 20 hours a day! That homo-bastard. It's a new word. It is. really.
I keep looking over at my bed and feeling empty. I wish I was about to go lay down and sleep with Linzie. I feel really alone... probably because I just spent 18 hours with her yesterday... including sleep waking up breakfast and all that up until 1am the next day... I just want her here... soon enough. You all probably think I'm going to get sick of her soon... I really can't see that happening.. because you've never been in a relationship like this. We've become almost best friends through our relationship. We didn't start out as best friends or good friends even but our bonds keep growing and we keep getting closer and closer and not just on a romantic or sexual level but on a friend level too... which is amazing because we can be content just hanging out... or doing other things for say 4 and a half hours.
I've noticed I talk about Linzie a whole lot.. and I'm not obbsessed I'm just happy. Since I'm not very happy very often I'm just trying to focus on it a lot more than say things I could be unhappy about. So don't go saying things about how much I talk about her because I'm perfectly in control of the content and how much Linzie appears in it. It's just what's been going on in my life lately so put up with it and shut the fuck up!
ps. Coke is better than Pepsi YOU FUCKING COLA NO0Bs!
Goodnight all. Except Blackheim. You can burn in hell you pepsi loving bastard.
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Timeline
- I lived with my Mom
- I was with Linzie
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