Excessive

I think I just need a reminder... a reminder as to why I'm fighting each day to see the next, why I'm putting up with how I feel, and why I would suffer so much to gain very little. I think I just need a nice reminder to let me know what it is I'm fighting so hard for.

Risk losing my job to feel sane? I don't even feel sane when I'm at home... sometimes it gets better, sometimes it gets worse. It varies depending on the time of day and what's going on around me, and sometimes for seemingly no reason at all. There are very few things that can calm me, and usually what brings me such a calmness, is pretending none of it exists, like everything is going to be alright, even though nothing in life is that simple. I could go in and deal with the consequences that I've created for myself, which may or may not be a successful attempt, or I can just give up, stay at home, and hope things work out... you know when you put it on paper (so to speak) like that one of the option seems kind of spineless and hopeless.

I'm going to take the next two days, try to calm myself down and really consider my options, what I want in life, and things of that nature... friendly messages are always welcome too, especially in a time like this.

I downloaded the entire third season of Scrubs... I love that show... but I'll write more about it when I watch most of the episodes and they're fresh in my mind.

I haven't had my bath, so writing this seems unnatural.. I'm gonna stop for now.

:gonk:
You feel fear. It's not like a fear of hights or a fear of drowning, it's more like you are to broken up from the world. There are two different ways the misunderstood can go: one to anger. One to fear. You have been scarred in a way that is not healable. It's also hard to hide. This pain of yours is rare so not many people can help you through it. That's why you probably have a select few friends, that are not exactly meeting your standards anyway. Unless you have no friends at all. You bend easily to anyone's will thus making you one who is walked all over, and pushed around. Your probably not one of the brightest people either, not that you aren't smart when it comes to certain other things, like human phycology. You are also a clumsy ditz at times, depending on how good your day is going. Hiding your face behind a mask is no way to live. If you try to learn to tell others how you feel more they would actually show you care. But you put everyone's problems before your own. They think you are wonderful. And you are. You're just passive, also you can't stand to see someone who is distressed. You have a beautiful yet twisted soul.

Element: Metal
Color: Yellow
Quote: If I showed you my true self, would you scream? Would you turn away in disgust? I don't know. I will try to take off my mask, but promise you won't hate me.
Expression: Strained, with scared eyes.
Symbol: A hug (ackwardly enough)/ sweat rolling down your cheek/tight fist.

.:Look me in the eyes... Tell me how you feel:. (anime pics) [Detailed results] brought to you by Quizilla

582 words

Timeline

I lived on Grey St.
I dated Vanessa

6 Comments

beth

January 01, 2000

It just started snowing here, I hope you can take at least a tiny bit of comfort in knowing that soon everything will be white and pretty. <3

Vanessa

January 01, 2000

Just call my cell phone and you know I'll always remind you why your fighting!.. You know I love you darling... And just wait.. I'm going to come over tonight, and we are going to have a excellent weekend.

Mark

January 01, 2000

meow

Michelle

January 01, 2000

id offer kind words, but i doesnt help you. you know ill always be here for you, always. promise. <333

chri

January 01, 2000

scrubs kicks ass...season 2 is comin out on DVD soon!

Mark

January 01, 2000

Last night was fun fo shizzle. Better than my previous plans of going to bed haha Dude if youre still chillin home next week we should do some video gaming ass kicking or something. just no halo 2 haha i suck too much at that for it to even be fun

Excessive

A Personal Halloway

Timeline

6 Comments