Excessive

Does anyone actually read subject lines of emails, news posts, livejournal entries or website updates? I write one everytime, but I always doubt that people will take notice, so usually they make no sense at all.

Yesterday was awesome... I felt happy and things were done. Vanessa came over early in the morning after her doctors appointment, and we sat around for a little bit just enjoying each others company and talking. Shortly after her arrival, Nick called and then made his way over; he got the job at Stream! I told him that it's the easiest job ever, so long as you are on time hehe. We all sat around and eventually got me ready for work, took pictures (as seen in my latest post), and then we went to my Mom's work to get me some monies, and then to the pharmacy to get my brain medicine (lithium). We stopped by the grocery store and got some lunch and snacks for my day at work and then we bussed downtown to my work. It always makes me feel good to be walked to work by them... I get hugs before I go in and it just sets up the day to be happy.

Vanessa and Nick met me for lunch and I made my lasagne and ate it togehter at a table where two suspicious boys kept walking past us. It made me uncomfortable to a point where I wanted to leave. I felt so sick as well, I could barely stomache my lunch. I think it was a mixture of lack of real food, and lithium... I don't realy know but the feeling really didn't go away, and it made me feel kinda depressed or down throughout the day, especially towards the end, and I was all shakey and stuff; my mind has been a complete mess lately.. nothing seems to be processing correctly.

Nick and Vanessa met me after work and we slowly walked to my place. I was welcomed by the looming smell of weed, which was disheartening to say the least, but I quickly started consuming alchohol to put myself in a better mood, because at that point nothing else was really going to work and I didn't want the night to be a wreck. The night ended up being realy enjoyable... I gave Nick one of my olanzapine's and it knocked him out, and we all watched High Fidelity. It was about 5am before we went to bed, and Nick was mumbling things about hot smoothies and stuff... I'm glad that I had drank because it made me much more relaxed, less anxious and stuff... and it naturally makes things more enjoyable hehe.

This morning Nick and Vanessa and I all woke up late... around 1:30pm and we just laid around and stuff. Not much happened... we all got ready to go out, cause obviously I had work, and so we took pictures as normal, and I'll put up my six favorite when I get home from work, so... I know you're all probably sick of looking at us but it's fun taking pictures so suck it up you fucking bastards. They walked me to work and now I'm here. The day is about half over and I'm feeling a) sick. b) tired. c) angry. d) destructive. I feel like I want to punch through something... and I just feel like falling down and crying... not sure why really... I just feel really hurt and alone. dammit me.. stop it. I guess... lithium.. makes you worse before better.. i just have to remember that.. fucking dammit i have to remember that.

Now I'm just waiting out the rest of the day, listenin to Panic! at the Disco and listening to people talk in the background. I just ate a Whopper for supper.. I feel shakey and gross. I'm gonna go take more lithium. Talk to you all when I get home ... toodles.

i look really happy

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