Excessive

I think I just need a reminder... a reminder as to why I'm fighting each day to see the next, why I'm putting up with how I feel, and why I would suffer so much to gain very little. I think I just need a nice reminder to let me know what it is I'm fighting so hard for.

I've been putting off writing for some reason... it's an odd choice though, as there are numerous thoughts floating around my head that I've easily put into sentences and paragraphs in my head (which of course is much different than writing them out) so I could, if I had the attention span and patients, write a long entry about a lot of stuff, yet I sit here and I really don't want to.

I am a fucking wreck, a god damn fucking mess. I have no idea what's going on with me but it's all gone to hell. I've lost all that was going right in my mind, and I know that no matter what I write here, or what I tell those that care for me, no one would ever understand exactly what I mean.

I can start this off withing saying, "this sucks!" I have to get up early tomorrow... around 8:30am or so, because I'm going to Toronto with Steve to see the body works exibit, and we're leaving at 10am... and here it is 4am with two sleeping pills in me... I didn't think about it until five minutes ago; I never considered that I should probably go to sleep to be rested for tomorrow, I just treated it like a normal night.

this is to Chris or Matt. Are we still on for tonight? Raf said he might not make it, but you guys can still come over for some gaming action.. ya know, whatever. I just need to know if I should meet you outside teletech at 12am? Reply to this with a comment if I should.. hopefully one of you will see this.

I'm not in the most writing mood, as I'm distracted by Conan O'brien, and I kinda just want to lay down, relax and watch it... maybe eat a snack, but I figure if I do that, I'm not gonna be getting up again, so I figure I'd do a quick update.

Gavin Rossdale

What I'm currently listening to: Cold Contagious.

Today was a bit of an up and down kind of day... but the definate majority was on the down side. I'm not really sure why, other than the obvious defect in my brain that leaves me incapable of living a normal life. I had panic attack after panic attack today, getting progressivly worse and worse as the night went on, until I finally accidentally fell asleep and when I woke up they were gone.

...what's the point in having wings.. if you can't feel the wind in your face?

I would love to go into depth about the pit of filth that is the human race but I'm on two sleeping pills, and I have a pretty girl waiting for me, so I'll keep it brief, at least momentarily, until I get another chance at the computer... a more opportune time perhaps.