Excessive

Digital Devil Saga eats babies!

Okay... so it's been awhile since I've written a 'real' entry... or at least what I would consider a real one myself. For the past month, or perhaps the majority of it, I've gone out of my way not to write anything, for various reasons; reasons I won't really be going into. I did make the occasional entry with a picture or a link... but... well, that hardly counts for anything really, and if I was a reader, I'd probably be calling me some rude things (because I know reading this website is so important to you).

Basically the story goes: I got fired from Stream, I spiraled into a horrid depression and... numbness. Although, I didn't become completely apathetic, as within two days I had rewritten my resume and applied (twice) at teletech and a bunch of places online, which I was actually really proud of myself for doing... it felt great to not be a lazy fucking idiot for once. I'm going out again in the next day or two to hand in my resume to anywhere; anywhere that takes resumes.

While I've been waiting for calls from places I've applied to, I've tried my very best to keep myself busy, as I know that if I dwell on the stuff that I'm going through, I would drive myself even more insane, and probably end up hurting myself. I didn't want to think about how much of a failure I am, or think about how much I've lost... or think about how stupid I am... instead I kept myself busy watching Michelle play Final Fantasy X... falling in love with the characters, story, locations... tragedy, heartbreak, happiness; never has such a fantasy evoked such emotion in me... this feeling I have for this game... for this story... for this... amazing creation goes beyond words. I could play through and experience this story a hundred times and still love every second of it. A note to Michelle: you really have to play through it again at some point, because each time you play through it, you notice little things that make it that much better, and experiencing the story again, while knowing how it turns out changes your perspective some. Well... I guess enough of my fanboyism. Near the end of Michelle's playthrough, I was going nuts trying to play an RPG for myself... I played through 15 to 20 hours of Breath of Fire 3, and it was okay... it was my third attempt at playing through the game and this time I got much farther; Ryu actually grew up and things were starting to be a lot cooler... but... I was reading the Penny Arcade boards and there was a thread on Digital Devil Saga... I obviously had wanted to play through the game (since I bought the damn thing) but I intended to play through Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturn before I played through Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga, simply because Nocturne came out first.. but other than both coming from the megaten series, they are unconnected, much like Final Fantasies. Both feature some of the same enemies, same graphical style, same battle system, but story wise are completely two different universes. Anyway, back on to my point, I was reading a bunch about the game because of that thread, so I broke down, put it in, just to see what it was like I guess, and within five minutes I fell in love with it. It's like Final Fantasy X met a completely fucked up mental patient and DDS is their love child. Giving away any of the story would be giving away too much, because it's meant to be interperted by the player as you go... the game is one giant metaphor filled with more metaphors... so much symbolism and wow.. it's one of the deepest, most mature games I've ever played; there is something so unsettling about it... it's one of the only games that actually scares me, and I'm not sure why. Games like Doom 3 and Resident Evil 4 startle you, but this game... just leaves me feeling quite disturbed. Anyway... I suppose that's enough about games for right now... I'm sure most of you people reading have already filtered this out... bunch of fuckers.

I've stopped going to the bar as much... pretty much only Friday and Saturday now, and Friday's aren't usually much fun now that I can't afford a drink, and there are never people there anymore. Last Friday it was Steve (who was working, so he HAD to be there), Mark, Michelle and.. maybe one other person; Friday's used to be the best night (not really Cam, I'm lying) as far as having fun went (while Cam reigns supreme DJ wise on Saturdays). I miss my home away from home... stupid money. Saturday's are still a buncha fun of course... good music, good people... These last two weekends have actually been amazing.. betcha can't guess why? NO? well aren't you just useless... *walks away* okay.. fine. Well, basically because I met three prettiful new friends and they seem to just bring out the best in me because I just forget about all my problems and just enjoy myself and get giddy and stupid. I never directly mentioned her before but I first noticed Vanessa (myspace) at Stream (when I worked there... ugh) and swooned whenever I saw her, and now I get to hang out with her and it makes me happy. Also, I am now friends with Brit, whom I don't know that well yet, but plan on getting to know her, and Nick, who also kicks some serious ass, so you put all three together and you get all kinds of awesome.

So, I guess that somewhat catches up whatever one missed... Digital Devil Saga and me swooning over a pretty girl.

Last night was a hell of a lot of fun... The Electrocult CD release party. I got to hang out with my boys! First, I would just like to mention how much fun I have when I'm the guys, and Amos seemed happy to see me, as he hugged me and give me a few kisses on the cheek, and Kurt bought me drinks (more so as the night went on hehe) and Dave kept me company for most of the night. I sold merch all night, and we (as obviously I'm in the band) made quite a bit of money actually, which was good, since it all deserves to be purchased! We were selling t-shirts, cds and buttons, and got quite a few customers. I even had a tip jar that read: Tips (I want beer!). I made just enough for about one drink, but meh, I wasn't complaining. For doing merch, and sexually pleasing each band member numerous times, I got a shirt, cd and buttons for my hard work, so I'm rich with Electrocult goodies.

The show lineup was: Electric Pony, Les Six and The Electrocult. Electric Pony was really good... I really enjoyed the music the music he made, and it was like, the perfect going to sleep music (in a good way). It was great, especially considering it was just him on stage making all the music. I just wish he had a CD... and also, I hope he plays some more shows at dissent because the people seemed to love him and he'd be a great opener for the EC for their london shows. The second band up was Les Six, who were decent enough, but I guess I just didn't click with them, or maybe it was just about that time I was beginning to get drunk, because their set doesn't really ring a bell... They weren't bad though, and I suppose everyone liked them... but I spent most of their set talking to people and stuff. I'm not doing a really good job of retelling the night... seriously, this is why I stopped writing in the first place god dammit. I'll just finish writing about the bands and then I'll mention what I did during the show OTHER than watch/listen. After Les Six was done and everyone was good and drunk, the boys started setting up. I helped Kurt hang up the backdrop on the back of the stage that said THE ELECTROCULT spray painted on, and their spray painted garbage can was skillfully placed at the back of the stage. Dave had me set up the fog machine, and then move it and set it up again on the other side of the stage. So, once everyone was set up, the show began! For the first couple songs I was standing on the side of the stage behind Amos, working the fog machine, but all I could hear was Kurt's guitar out of the monitor so I had to reposition the fog trigger thing and I moved right to the front of the stage (down in front, not like.. ON the stage) and the wire reached far enough that I could still do the fog... so that way I could enjoy the show AND do my job. Of course when it came time for them to play Tokyopop, my favoritest song by The Electrocult, Dave made a point to dedicate it to moi, at which point they rocked out tokyo style! Seriously.. that song is teh roxxor. I can't wait until they record it, so I can play it over and over again. At one point during the set, Kurt's friend (and my friend) Adrien ran up to center stage, tore his shirt off, revealing EC ROCK on spray painted neon pink on his chest, and BUY THE FUCKIN CD sprayed on his back, and which point he cheered and ran off somewhere; haha such fun! They played a few more songs, pretty much pwnt the crowd and that was that.

The night was really one of the best nights in forever, and like Kurt said, this night was a year in the making. I got to see almost all my friends, and that doesn't happen very often. I got to hug Sarah and Teresa, got to say hi to Amy, Ben, Kevin, Adrien... did the robot with Cam, took an awesome picture of Tim, got to hang out with my three favorite boys, Dave, Kurt and Amos, and got to hang out with Vanessa, Brit and Nick (awesome) oh yeah, and I guess I got to hang out with that Mark guy.. but who counts that? Probably that stupid Ann girl! ANYWAY... Kurt bought me a few drinks, and I got some beer tickets from Dave for free beer... and the best part was, thankfully, I didn't make an ass out of myself, say something stupid to someone incredibly hot, or in some way embarrass myself (although I have yet to speak with everyone there, so it could be revealed that I did so.. I just don't know yet)! I'm pretty happy with how the night went, and the things that happened, the people I got to be with... I could go on forever about it... but then I'd look like an idiot.

Michelle and myself combined took around 200 pictures last night, and she's bringing over the camera and the cord to hook it up tomorrow evening, so I can go through the painstaking process of picking out the good ones for the gallery, but I plan on keeping any picture that's remotely good... so expect a gallery of at least 75 pictures or more. Pictures of friends, bands, dancing girls, you name it. The pictures will be up late tomorrow night, or the next morning, so check back because I'll make an entry when they're ready to be viewed. Expect many awesome pictures of awesomeness!

So I guess that sums up the awesome night of awesomeness... I don't think there is really anything I can add really, so I suppose I'll just leave it at that.. move on to other things.

Last Sunday my sister called me up and asked me if I wanted to go to the Western Fair for free (I think she knew I was having some life problems and wanted to cheer me up). Of course I said okay, since the Western Fair is kinda fun and it was free, so Lindy, myself, Dustin and... i don't remember his name but one of Dustin's friends all went. We didn't have a lot of money, but we bought 30 tickets, and it was 2 for 1 day, so it was like 60 tickets. It's funny because with the four of us, that only got us on 3 rides... We went on the Roller Coaster (the only one there.. you know the one (if you live in london)). It was a great way to start the fair, since it's fast, fun and very enjoyable. We went on the zipper second, which was fun. Lindy and I went in the same... cage(?) type thing and we spun and went upside down the whole time, it was a blast. The only bad part was that my keys kept slipping up and almost out my pocket so I worried about them for most of the time, but I still managed to enjoy the ride; and Lindy had to worry about her purse, so we both had something to bug us while trying to enjoy the experience but oh well, it was still good fun. At this point we were all pretty hungry, so we decided on Domino's, since that's what I got every time I went to the fair with my Mom growing up... so we got a medium pizza (for the same price as four slices) and sat at a table and ate it... it was good but I wasn't used to eating (more on that later probably) that after one and a half pieces, I felt like I was going to throw it all up so I had to stop, but it was good. It was around this time that my toothache(s) starting raging (more on that later as well maybe) and it got worse from there. We went to go watch the destruction derby (ya know... where cars run into things and red necks yell and fart), and we grabbed seats up in the bleachers, but my toothache was starting to hurt so bad that I couldn't sit still or concentrate on the red necks. I asked my sister if she had anything for pain, and all she had was a dirt covered pamprin. Naturally, I took it... and the best part was that it worked, and it mellowed me out AND it made me sleepy. Now that's one magic pill... I may just have to buy me some! Back to the retelling though... after the first round of the derby, we got kinda bored of it, and I got really scared of all the rednecks wearing Taz shirts, so we left and went back into the fair grounds place. We walked around looking for our next ride, and we all agreed that since the pirate ship is the most badass ride ever created, we'd go on that as our final ride. I love the pirate ship SO much it's not even funny. Nope! not even funny! I checked.. seriously. Lindy and I sat at the very back, and Dustin and.. uh.. whoitsface sat in front of us, and by god that ride is fun. I love the feeling of being weightless for a few seconds... but not long enough to get used to it so you're constantly feeling funny. Ah! So those are the rides we went on... After the rides we had a few tickets left and Dustin wanted to play a game so he found a water squirt gun one and played that... he was second place, almost won! After that, we left! A few strange things about the fair... one being: there sure are a lot of fat kids. Also, there are a lot of kids I want to punch in the face, and I'm not sure why. It's not that I hate kids I think... I just find some really annoying and perhaps a good punch to the face would make them less annoying? Also, little girls like to stare at me, and I'm not sure if it's for good reasons (I'm talking teenagers sickos), or if it's a bad thing. I actually didn't get called queer this time out of the house, which is a nice break, since I'm sick of proving my devotion to the vagina. So to sum it up, the fair was a success, and as you can hopefully tell by my writing, I had a good, innocent, noncomplicated fun time, which I desperately needed. The only bad part was the toothache but the period pill took care of that quickly. Overall, a really good experience and I really appreciated Lindy for doing something like that for me, when I desperately needed it, which she probably didn't know, but I did. good times...

My teeth have been hurting me lately... I didn't really know why. Well... kinda. A while ago, like back in April, a filling fell out of one of my back molars and then starting in july or august I'd get a light toothache in that molar and I'd take an advil and it'd go away and that would be it. But then starting a month ago or so, my bottom tooth started to hurt, and the gum looked swollen, then it started hurting at the back, and I went through an entire bottle of advil within a week. So... I finally clued in and decided I should maybe open my mouth and see what's going on... it appears my wisdom tooth is attempting to come through my gums and it's pushing my teeth and forcing one of my front teeth actually out of my gums (hence the toothaches). So I get toothaches in my missing filling tooth, in the one tooth getting pushed out, and the ripping sensation from the wisdom tooth... but the best part is the fact that I have no form of dental plan and can't get any work done. Luckily the last three or four days I've been completely ache free, so maybe it's over for now? I can only hope. *cough* That's my tooth story.

After I lost my job, I didn't want to call my Mom because I knew she'd be mad and/or disappointed (however the hell you want to put it) and I don't want her to feel that way towards me, so I figured I'd call her with the bad news, once I had good news to replace it... but she caught on and after about a month of not really talking to her at all, she emailed me and told me to call her so I did, and things are okay now. It felt good to have someone to talk to again though... I was alone there for quite a bit. She offered to buy me a bit of food if I needed it but I told her I was okay.. naturally I lied because I don't want help, even though I need it. I'm living off a single hot dog for the next week or two, but it shouldn't be that bad, as Michelle often eats at my place, and brings her own food and i have some of it, so it should work out. If worse comes to worst, I'll call my Mom and get a bit of something.. cheap things that last a long time hehe. So... I feel a bit better about that now.

So I've been stuck listening to the same music for the last long time... the same few bands, over and over again and I can't seem to stand anything else. I've been listening to the latest release by Death Cab For Cutie, Plans, as well as their greatest release Transatlanticism, over and over again more than anything. Off of plans, Soul Meets Body is close to being my favorite song written by Ben (Title and Registration being my first). We Looked Like Giants and The New Year are also amazing off Transatlanticism, as is A Lack of Color. I've also been listening to a ton of Dntel, especially the album Life Is Full of Possibilities, very ambient stuff, perfect to lose yourself in, go to sleep too, or watch rain too... I bet Cam would love the album. I've also been listening to a good bit of Portishead (Dummy and self titled) as well as Metric. Now I also listen to the Electrocult in between switching bands hehe. So that's what music I've been listening to for the last month or so, and it doesn't seem to be stopping now. Right now I'm listening to Miss Kittin (I Com) but I haven't been as much lately.

I think that sums up what seems to be one of my longest entries yet. I guess that's what happens when I hold it in. If you'll notice, the time stamp at the top says 5:06am, and I just want to let everyone know that it's now 8:48am... although I DID watch the entire series of Pure Pwnage during this time and I stopped writing, so you can take off a good hour and a half of the time hehe. I hope everyone made it through alive... I'm sure some people quit halfway through... you know what we call those people. cock suckers. that's what. Enjoy your day people.

Ninja edit: Hasn't this rain been amazingly beautiful? My god... I just stare out my window and watch it, and listen to the drops hit the ground *swoons* also, please ignore any spelling mistakes/typos in the text... When I'm not tired I'll read through it and fix anything I find... consider this a rough draft?? kthxbyepwnt.