Excessive

As I've wrote a hundred times, I suffer from anxiety as if I were about to go on a stage and perform or give a speech, that crippling anxiety or butterflies that appear in your stomach, but it comes and goes but it's always present, at least in some amount. Anyway, the point I'd like to make in this paragraph is that for the last week or two it's been a bit worse than normal. I always assume that the main source of the anxiety is the ever looming shifts at work, for whatever reason, they make me nervous, and I know that they shouldn't... and I think it's something that only comes when I'm in school. But then fast forward to Monday or Tuesday, where I know I don't have to go back to work for days and days, and yet I still feel nervous. I feel nervous when I wake up and get ready for school, and I feel nervous sitting in class, and I feel nervous when I get home. I feel like I'm waiting for something terrible to happen but I don't know what. The point of this paragraph was to simply state that that has been happening, and no real point beyond that.

I feel like I haven't been at home at all today...

School, then home, then getting ready to leave, then went to Danny Michel. Danny was awesome as usual, a lot of fun, funny and amazing at what he does. I went with Bekki, my Mom, Lindy and Julie, had a beer, a beef sandwich and enjoyed myself.

It's good to be home now, and I wanted to write more but I feel as though I'm running out of time, so I think I should end this.

Thoughts, later...

I feel like there is more inside me, more to say, more to spill out but I feel lost, as to what that may be. I'm sick of feeling nervous all the time, and I just imagine what it is doing to my body; The constant heavy heartbeat, shallow breathing, and constant... on edge.

I can barely remember what it feels like to have an afternoon or evening where I just feel at ease, just feel at rest, with no nervousness... I wish, wish, wish... I long for that feeling.

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