Excessive

It's easy to be self-centered, to exist inside your own head, feeling like you are the center of the universe... I think this is one of the worst causes of depression and anxiety (two opposite extremes of the same span imo), as the feeling of being absolutely important only increases the feelings of both issues. To feel in the middle of existence, isolated thoughts, it's really a bad recipe, a cycle that only gets worse. The reason I bring this up is because I was listening to Therapy Thursday on TMS, and it was about social anxiety and she brought up points about how it's just human nature to be self-centered, and even more so when you are uncomfortable... your mind kind of goes in survival mode and you only think about yourself, your self-preservation and how you can fix whatever is wrong with yourself, and you kind of forget everything else. My point? I don't have one. My point I suppose, is to be aware of that, to know that the best way I know of to fix depression and anxiety, is to remember that you aren't the center of the world, that other people have thoughts and feelings, that other people exist out there and need help and reassurance, that you can positively influence others and that you can be a part of something larger than yourself. These are important things to keep in mind, to stay sane, to stay healthy and to continue to be someone that others want to be around.

I know that I am a terrible person to deal with, a horrible cloud of negativity at times, and it's difficult to cope with, to be around me, to be someone that has to come up with ways to handle it. I try, and I want to continue to try, but I fail sometimes, or I just suck at fixing myself. Sometimes I just need time, or sometimes the day is a write off, and I suppose I just need to be able to recognize days like that, and accept it, and take steps to avoid hurting anyone, hurting myself, and just ruining things that don't need to be ruined.

I want to better myself, but at the same time, if I know my limits, I can recognize signs that indicate bad moods or increased sensitivity, then that's kind of the battle right there, and so long as I respect my own short comings, I can generally be in control, and that's pretty good.

I haven't been able to shake my anxiety, and I can't wait for this week, and maybe next week to be over, because I have a trip to Toronto tomorrow, a midterm on Friday, a midterm next week, and another in class assignment, and it's just so much all at once, and I feel like I'm falling apart, but at the same time, I have times where I feel safe and happy here with Bekki.

I'm continuing to try my best to be good to other people, to be good, and kind, and supportive to Bekki, to be everything she needs, and to just be a good person, and sometimes I falter, but I'll keep working, and never stop, or give up, or quit.

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