Excessive

Now it's important to note that the intent of my writing is not to harm, hurt or belittle anyone or anything from my past or present, and I don't mean to dismiss past relationships as anything unimportant; my goal is not negative.

I am in love. I love Bekki so much that I can never think of the right words to say, or write to describe what I'm feeling. There was a moment yesterday when I was sitting in the car with her, and something just kinda hit me; not for the first time, not for the second time, but it was just a moment of surreal feeling like... is this my life? How am I this lucky? This happy? Why does this beautiful, kind person enjoy spending time with me, intertwining their life with mine? We were in a car, in a different city, doing some special thing, and it just felt so unique, so special, that it really hit me that something amazing is happening.

I know that sounds silly, but it's reality. Bekki is so sweet and kind, loving and caring. We take care of each other, keep each other in check, on task and remind each other how to be stable and happy, in control and looking positvely to the future. I feel lucky, and special to have found someone so beatiful on the outside, and even more so on the inside (haha, so gay). She deserves my very best, and while I may struggle from time to time with my own shit, I will always, always, always try to be everything she needs, even if if I am trouble with my own stuff, I never want to let her down.

She spontaneously planned a trip to Canada's Wonderland for my birthday... took all the steps neccessary, didn't really ask questions, didn't get stressed out about it... Bekki rented a car, called the credit card company, bought the tickets and parking pass, decided on times, when we're leaving and getting there, she went and picked up the car and came back to get me and our stuff. She takes care of me... doing those things, all that stuff, that's the most amazing thing to me. Maybe it wasn't tough for her, maybe it didn't take a second thought, but to me, all those things are terrifying, and stressful, but she just did it. She just did it for me, without issue. That blows me away, and is amazing, and makes me feel so good. No... better than good, amazing. To have someone who is willing to do anything to make a day special, that's just... amazing.

I still have fears, fears that I've shared, and I know they're irrational and non... real... I fear that she'll see me in the wrong light and be disgusted or that maybe if I wear the wrong clothes or my hair is messy or she'll just wake up one day and realize how gross I am. I know that's not true or real, because for whatever reason I've tricked her into being attracted to me, but I still, sometimes, worry about how I look or appear around her, and it's not that big of a deal, because I do feel comfortable, like, increasingly so, with each week, I get more and more comfortable. I can be myself, and be a slob that has chip crumbs on my pants or shirt, or I can burp like an asshole. I'm not scared of her leaving me though, I know that may sound contradictory to what I just said, but I picture her reaction to figuring out I'm ugly as something else, not leaving me, but perhaps just feeling sad that she's stuck with me haha, as terrible as that sounds. In fact I have no fear about her leaving me, I can't even imagine it. That's so weird if I think about it, to be in a relationship with no fear of losing the other person, but it's also an amazing thing. I don't feel jealously, or worry that she may find love somewhere else, I don't feel jealously from her, as if she feared it herself. We are so interested and invested in each other, and we're very open and communicate about everything.

I realize I've been going on about this for a little while now, and the main thing I wanted to get across was... that... I'm in love, very lucky, and Bekki is a beautiful, special, amazing person, and I trust in her completely, and appreciate all she does for me.

Now that I got that out of my system, I'll go into some detail about just what that awesome person did for my birthday, and what the experience was like.

We didn't get to sleep until around 2am Sunday night, which was later than optimal, but it was what it was. I don't really remember why, I'm pretty sure it had to do with napping earlier in the day, but I mean, what are you gonna do? We had the alarm set for 7am, as the goal was to pick up the car by around 8:30am, and the bus came at 7:40am or something. I woke up sick, obviously, and felt like crap, and was pretty groggy because of the cough syrup, so Bekki offered to just bus and pick up the car and come back to grab me and our stuff for the trip, and that was both unexpected, and amazing, as it gave me a few minutes to let the cough syrup wear off, wake up, drink a coffee and not feel like a zombie. I felt guilty for a second, to make her go by herself, but she assured me it was okay, and it was very loving of her.

She came back around 8:30am, and we packed up the car with our stuff. A cooler filled with food for dinner, along with my backpack with more supplies, and a checklist of stuff. We stopped by No Frills on our way out, to grab Ice, water, stop at the bank, and grab breakfast from Tim Hortons. I got a coffee and Bekki got an ice cap, and we got timbits to share, and I got a chocolate chip muffin. From there we headed to the highway, and all the way we had the iPod playing over the radio, listening to a varied playlist I made to entertain us.

The drive there went well, besides the fact that we had to stop twice so I could pee, the second time feeling as if my bladder was going to explode like a bomb. We listened to music all the way, and talked. Bekki is a great driver, and I feel safe with her in the car; moreso than other people and because of that I could relax and not be anxious about everything. We stopped at a McDonalds to go the bathroom, and then again, stopped at McDonalds when we got to outside Wonderland, to once again, go pee like a race horse.

We got into the park easy enough... found a spot to park, locked up and walked to the entrance gates. Because Breckerson bought the tickets to the park early online, and printed them off, we didn't have to stand in line for tickets, we just had to walk in. Once in, we tried to figure out what we wanted to do first, and for some insane reason, we thought the new ride, the biggest, meanest ride, Leviathan, would be a good place to start. We stood in line for it for about ten minutes before just suddenly deciding that we should just purchase Fast Lane wristbands because waiting sucks. Spontaneously deciding to this, we got out of line, walked over to the booth, (waiting in that line for like twenty minutes) and purchased our wrist bands.

What are Fast Lane wristbands you ask? Well, at first glance they seem retarded and over-priced. For $35 per person, you get a wristband that lets you skip the line for all the best rides. Well, skip the line in the sense that people with fast lane wristbands get their own lanes, and get let in to rides first, before other, normal people. So essentially, you just walk up this special walkway, and get right to the ride... bypsasing one to two hour waits... it's fucking insanely amazing. It is the specific thing that made the trip as amazing as it was, because we literally never waited in line, we just decided on a ride, and walked up to it, and got on within two minutes.

After we got our fast lane wristbands, we went right back to Leviathan, but for some reason the ride was on hold due to a problem, and we waited for ten minutes before decided that it was a waste of time, and we had already been there for an hour and hadn't ridden anything, so we just said fuck it, and went off to get to other rides.

I won't write specifically about what order we hit up rides, but we rode everything worth riding, and then for the last hour we rode Leviathan and Behemoth over and over again (about five times each). We rode... The Bat, The Fly, Backlot Stun something, Dragon's Fire, Flight Deck, Behomoth, Leviathan, Minebuster, Skyrider, The Vortex and Thunderrun. I think that's all... but we rode some more than once, like the Vortex we rode a couple times for sure.

At around 5:00pm, we walked out to the car and got the cooler and backpack I had packed, and walked up to the grassy hill that was just beside the car. We set up our little picnic, and the food I had packed was a surprise for Bekki, so it was kind of fun to unveil it for her. I made a garden salad with basil parmesan vinegrette (spring mix, cherry tomatoes, cheddar cheese, radish, green onion, and mushrooms in mine, and green peppers in Bekki's) to start. To go along with that I made bruschetta and brought some sliced baguette to go with it. Afterward, I brought all the ingredients to make a fresh roast beef sandwich; horseradish dijonaise, red onion, lettuce, tomato, dark rye bread. To go along with that, I packed a couple cans of Coke, because you know, goes really well with a sandwich! For dessert I packed strawberries and whipped cream, with shaved chocolate. I did feel a little silly about how much food I packed, and how much thought I put into it, when I really should've just packed a bunch of random shit to eat so we weren't hungry, but I dunno, it was nice to sit and eat with her, to share that moment. It was nice to just see her, to have time to take in the day, to let my mind catch up with my body, to lean against a wooden fence, and have the time to realize that I'm sitting on grass, eating food, in Toronto, with this special girl.

We made it back into the park by 6:00pm and went on more rides, the few that we still needed to go on before we could start doing repeats. From 7pm to 8pm, we went on Leviathan and Behemoth over and over again. Also noteworthy was that it had completely clouded over by this point and started to rain, raining harder and harder as the hour went on. We rode Leviathan three or four times, which was amazing, but by the last ride, the rain was actually starting to hurt a lot, and regardless of that, we tried to go on one more time but due to high winds, they suspended the ride, and since it was 7:30pm, and the park was closing in half an hour, aaand we had just gone on the ride four times, we decided to walk across the park, and repeatidly ride Behemoth until the park closed. It is worth mentioning that the Fast Line wristband is what made this trip so awesome, because like... we would ride Leviathan, get off, walk down the exit ramp, turn, go back down the Fast Lane entrance, up the stairs, and literally get on the next loading of Leviathan. We could've kept riding it, one after another, minutes apart, if the ride hadn't stopped running. Good, glad I could get that endorsement of Fast Lane out of the way.

We walked across the park in the rain to the Behemoth, and luckily it was still running. We must've ridden it five times in a row, each time in the rain, in the cold, rain. I knew I was going to get sick, but I didn't think about it too much, until I yelled something about geese and coughed up shit by accident. It was so fun though, riding that amazing ride, running down and back up and getting back on the very next one. Riding it in the cold rain was probably a bad idea though, because almost imediately I could feel symptoms of a cold (a worse one than I already had) coming on.

At 8pm, we slowly walked in the rain back to the car, letting the experiences of the day sink in, and we drove to a Tim's before hitting the highway. Almost right away I started to get really bad sinus problems, not a runny nose, just insane buildup, like I couldn't breathe through my nose at all. The trip home was tougher than the trip there, as it was night time, and rainy, and Bekki was a bit nervous, and tired - naturally - so we took it slow, listened to music and I couldn't help but pet her hair or rub her shoulder as she drove, I was just so happy, regardless of my oncoming cold. Also the trip home took longer, because we had to drop the car off at the Budget car rental place, and then wait for a cab to take us home. The waiting for the cab part really sucked, because we were both so tired, and I was cold, and really getting hit by this cold, so I was pretty miserable and a mess sitting on the step, just waiting and feeling like crap. The car eventually came, and we eventually made it home.

The first thing I did when I got home was have a hot bath. I scrubbed my body, washed my hair, and soaked in the water for a bit. After that, I forced myself to stay awake and have a snack as Bekki took a shower, and eventually we both went to bed (I took some cough syrup and fell asleep quite quickly). It's never felt so good to lay down, even if I couldn't breathe properly.

So that was my birthday, and that was my birthday trip to Canada's Wonderland, with the sweetest, most caring girl ever. I had so much fun, and there were no down sides, no negatives, no brief fights, or bickering or problems, everything was just perfect.

I woke up today feeling so bad, so terrible, so fucking terrible. I couldn't breathe, or open my eyes... my eyes felt like they had crust around them, and it hurt to open them. My mouth was sticky and dry, and felt so gross, and my nose was felt like it weighed fifty pounds. I woke up at 9am and didn't feel rested, I wouldn't call it rested, I just felt so uncomfortable that I had to get up, I knew that I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep if I tried. I got up and Bekki followed shortly after. I was sitting at my computer and she could tell I was a mess. I made coffee and had some toast to try and wake up, to feel better, but it didn't help. I mean sure, it tasted good but it didn't make me feel any better.

I collapsed on the couch, to try and relieve my sinus pressure, as lying certain ways can do that. Bekki came over and brought me a pillow, and asked if I needed anything. I told her that I had to go to the store to get some Advil cold and sinus (because I know they work) and soup, but she refused to let me go and told me she would go for me. Again, I felt guilty making her go, or being responsible for her going, but she insisted and it was so caring of her, so I tried my very best to work on school while she was out, but I just couldn't concentrate or understand what I was doing, so I accepted the idea that I will not be handing in this next DirectX checkpoint tomorrow. She got back after a few minutes with chicken noodle soup, snack food for when I felt a bit better and thankfully Advil cold and sinus. I took the pills right away, and drank a lot of water... had the entire package of soup, and a bunch of crackers.

Bekki had to leave to do some school stuff for the afternoon, so that left me with my pills, and time. I decided to write, which I'm doing, so I put on a movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshal, and let the pills turn me fuzzy, and I wrote. I guess I'm still doing it! My movie is over, but so is my writing, almost.

This evening I'm going to my Sister's for a BBQ to celebrate my birthday. I'm not sure what time exactly, but I should probably get ready soon. I feel pretty out of it because of my pills, and I look a mess, my face is red and nose is sweaty and red... but ah well, I feel good enough to eat a burger, so off I go.

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