Excessive

The last thing I want to do is get up and go to school tomorrow. I feel so much like shit that the idea of even getting out of bed in the morning is daunting, and it appears that I've got a repeat of last week happening again. I feel ugly, like.. super ugly. Like I don't even like to look in the mirror. I hate my clothes, and I hate that I shaved, but also hated what I looked like before I shaved, I hate being outside in public for so many reasons.

Will I get up and go to school tomorrow at 7am? I don't know... probably. I'd like to think that my resolve to be a successful student will drive me to get up and go, but there are times when my ability to be a fucking retard outweighs all else and I do stupid shit.

I wasted all of today for no reason, and that makes me feel even worse. I got home from school, had dinner, and then immediately got in a foul mood and just slept. Instead of relaxing or trying to enjoy myself or doing anything that might improve my spirits, I simply laid down and slept to numb my pain and make it go away.

I hate myself this week, or today, I don't know. I just feel like... punching a wall, screaming, whatever... just those fun things. I don't feel at peace, at rest... I feel tense, on edge, defensive, angry, mean, upset. I want to scream and yell and cry.

Last few days have been difficult for me... well, now that I think about it, maybe the last week or so... very difficult. I try to do my best, but my best is never good enough.

296 words