Excessive

I think about writing all the time, and that's not an exageration... I actually think about writing in my head for a good portion of the day. I think about sentences I would write, things I would talk about, phrases I'd say, topics I'd cover, and it goes on and on in my head, and I essentially write entries in my head as I go, and then I get home from work, have only a couple hours to do anything, and before I know it, it's too late to write an entry, or there just isn't a time I could.

It's frustrating... all of it. The fact that I'm constantly writing in my head, but unable to put it into text, the fact that it feels like I never have any time to do the writing, and I don't know, I just feel frustrated all the time. I get home from work and I'm so tired, so fucking unbelievably tired that it's all I can do to stay sitting up on the couch. I can't enjoy games or tv, or cooking, or enjoy anything, I'm just a zombie, but not like a fully numb zombie or something, no, a stressed out, heart pounding, nervous wreck of a zombie. I feel trapped to the couch downstairs because of the dog, so I get home and I can't nap, I can't go upstairs and write, or play a game on the PC, or even just relax on the computer for a bit, I have to be watching the dog for as long as possible because she will pee inside, she will chew the baseboard, she will chew her blanket, it's just a constant thing and it never lets me relax.

So I get home from work, I let the dog out and try to play with her for a bit, and this leads into supper time, at like 5pm or so, which takes about an hour and I eat and it's about 6:30pm or whatever, and I eat dessert and have a coffee, watch a show, usually a 40 minute one (Jimmy or Property Brothers) and that leads to about 7pm, and in order to wake up for 4:45am without dying, I really should be in bed by 9pm (and it's 9:44pm right now, ugh), so from 7pm to 8pm is the only time of the entire day I can do anything to relax. I get one hour a day to live my life and I'm fairly certain it's killing me and driving me insane. I can play a game, or write an entry, but I still have to keep an eye on the dog so I can't actually relax. From 8pm to 9pm, it's generally my goal to have a bath and get ready for bed, but at times this can be pushed back to make time for doing the dishes, or having a snack.

Today I fell asleep on the couch and Ashe had chewed the baseboards and peed up to three times at least, I woke up at 6:00pm and had already been an hour passed my dinner time so I wanted to shoot myself because that fucks up my entire night (considering my one hour of free time is now gone). I made dinner and ate, was finished around 7:45pm, I played with the dog for a bit, played about thirty minutes of Call of Duty: World at War and then had a bath.

Now here I am, about 50 minutes behind schedule and I'm going to be really tired tomorrow, and it's all going to repeat. Well, maybe not exactly, but something terrible will most likely happen like a migraine or something because I won't have the chance to nap (accidental or otherwise). Tomorrow we're picking up my Mom and I'm making us all dinner and then we're going to see Danny Michel, so no time to rest.

I'll start to feel better soon right?

Please?

657 words