Excessive

I think that we, as in people, spend the majority of their lives chasing after the things they once had. Feelings, people, hobbies, habits... we remember things more fondly (sometimes) and try everything to get back to 'the good times'. I always think about writing and how I can never do it, or never choose to do it, and I think about how great it would be if I could just remember to do it, or make time to do it. Then I think... maybe I just don't need it anymore, maybe I've outgrown it, or don't require it to feel okay, or whatever the reason may be, maybe life wouldn't be so much greater if I wrote more, or replayed old games to recapture that feeling of magic, maybe the magic isn't there anymore... maybe it is though! I don't know what I'm trying to say. I thought a bit today about the feelings I got playing games in the past, and how I don't feel it as often anymore, or rarely, or ever, and I wish I could feel that again, and how could I go about doing that... but maybe that's just gone.

Today wasn't the best day.

I was depressed, in a few meanings of the word. Mainly I was just really lethargic, feeling so dead to the world, not motivated to do anything at all. I knew the cause, and while I didn't catch on right away, about half way through the day it clicked. It was the fact that I took a full sleeping pill the night before. I never take full sleeping pills anymore, I always take halves. I took a full one because I napped for two or three hours late in the evening, making it impossible to feel tired, so I really wanted to sleep. It made me feel so lethargic, it ruined my day.

I attempted to fix it, by making a long list of things to accomplish, to force myself to do in order to give purpose to my day. I cleaned and did the chores, rewarding myself with games and watching a movie, and I suppose I accomplished stuff, so it was a good thing in that way, but I didn't ever really snap out of it.

I've been playing a bunch of different games, generally older games.

Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy Tactics, Final Fantasy Tactics A2, Uncharted 3, and most recently Metal Gear Solid (for the PSOne). I've never played a Metal Gear, but I own 1, 2, 3 and 4, so you'd think I'd have played one by now. After reading a bit about it in a thread on PA, I decided I wanted to give the first in the Solid series a go, so I played it and decided to make myself keep playing even if I got frustrated or confused, and I actually ended up having fun after some significant frustration. I had some fun, and managed to get to some significant milestones, so I'm on my way into the series now and I'm committed to playing through it.

Final Fantasy VIII is fun as always, and I'll most likely write a bit more about it later, after I've finished it. It'd be interesting to re-review the game so many years after I initially played it. Tactics I've played for hundreds of hours probably, and don't think I've ever been more than halfway through the story. I get so caught up in building my team, that I burn myself out, so I think the trick is to force myself to play story missions more often than fighting random battles.

I'm going to watch a terrible horror movie, my second today (first was Moth diaries) called The Possession... based on a true story obviously, and try to feel sleepy.

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