Excessive

fighting a king slime in dragon warrior 4

Ah, I'm not sure why I haven't been writing lately, but I'm sure everyone has noticed the lack of any significant update in over half a month, but I guess it's all due to the fact that my existence seems to be in some form of suspended animation... where I'm not quite myself, not quite unhappy but not quite happy... I seem to float from one end of the spectrum to the other without warning, or cause. In my mind, things are okay; in reality, the shit has hit the fan and I'm about to die. Now.. to explain.

A long while ago I lost my job. Now... no income plus rent = problem. So that's the root of the issue as of late. I've been staring at this eviction notice everyday for the last week or so, as they so kindly splipped it under my door, kind of like a grown-up Christmas present. Only a few more days to go and then my time is up, but I'm using the remaining time to contact HR at Teletech about getting my job back (which I called, and they're going to submit my application to operations and then call me next week) and I also reapplied to Stream, and so in that respect I've taken action and all I have to do is wait. Other than that I'm trying to expend all my options to get money to at least make them happy enough to give me even more of a break than they have already given me, but I'm confident that within a month or so I'll be back on my feet... this time it's going to be different I say, not because I want it to be, but because it damn well has to be, and there just is no other way around it. In summary, this area would be what's fueling most of the stress in my life right now... the not knowing if I'm going to be kicked out or not is really eating away at me, but I've been doing my very best at blocking it out and not thinking about it, because I know if I were to dwell on it, it would severly damage me, painfully. Who knows if I'll be here in a week or two, who knows if I'll have access to the internet... things like where my cats are going to go are my top priority, but like I said, I'm doing everything in my power to remedy the situation, so... *crosses fingers*

So while all of this is happening, and my world is completely crashing down around me, and I no longer have any form of security or stability, I've been surrounding myself with people that make me feel good, people who bring out the best in me, who love being around me as well, and who I share a deep connection with. Jess, Michelle and Linzie are the three greatest sources of strength I've had in this past while, who have thankfully taken time out of their busy scheduals of school, work and whatever else to come over and make sure I have a meal to eat, and then absorbe ourselves into long stretches of game playing (Halo 2, Tetris, Brothers in Arms) or movie watching (Lost in Translation with Linzie was very special to me). I've had personal times with each of those people, where we talked and connected and grew closer, and times when we were all together just blasting the shit out of each other and swearing and laughing and being silly with jokes and saying, "That's what she said" in response to just about anything said at all. The times where I'm with one of those people, or two of them, or all of them, I just completely forget about the stresses in my life and sort of melt away into this happy, fun person, who has nothing to worry about, and I love it... because I just wouldn't be able to function without that. That is basically what I've been up to lately.. the stressfullness, and then taking away the stressfullness with games and movies with my girls.

Everything else I'm just pretty apathetic about... I mean I just can't be bothered to give a shit with all the other small crap. None of it matters, and I just DON'T care. I have way too much going on to worry about anything else really, so in a way that makes almost everything else that much easier.

As for the specifics of what I've been up to alone and with my friends, I've been playing a lot of Dragon Warrior/Quest, more specifically I have just recently completed Dragon Warrior 4, and have been playing through the brand new Dragon Quest 8 (which I got for Christmas). I've beat Dragon Warrior 4 a few hundered times in my lifetime, and it's one of those rpg's that I know the script off by heart, where to go, what's in all the chests, stuff like that... I know the game better than the developers probably did. So playing through the fourth installment wasn't exactly difficult but it was really nice to be reminded of why it's one of my favorite games of all time. I just finished it yesterday morning, and did better than I ever remember doing against Necrosauro. Dragon Quest 8, which is brand spanken new (the copyright even says 2006) is quite the amazing game itself... the first real 3D installment of the DQ series, it keeps the exact feel of all the earlier games, the same fight and magic system, the same basic form and functions, like how the quests goes and how it's unveiled... so it feels like you're playing a 3D version of an old NES rpg, which is amazing in my opinion, since those were always my favorite RPGs. It's not story intensive, but the story they have there is easy to understand and although slightly predictable, I think that's what makes it so enjoyable. I guess I'd have to say playing/watching the story makes it come across almost lik a good disney movie, if you get that at all. I'll talk about the game more indepth another time.

When Jess and Michelle both come over, or if I spend a few days at their place, I usually bring my Xbox and we play a lot of Halo 2, them vs. me in a team deathmatch, and it's always hilarious and really fun, even though I always win, and always be about 40 points, but for some reason it doesn't get boring or repetitive... we just have fun with it and joke around, do funny things, try out weapons, drive around... it's just a bunch of fun, and way more fun than I ever had on Live. It's probably one of my most favorite things right now, and if Jess and Michelle could live with me for a few weeks, I would be in heaven because it would just be so much fun. Sometimes our matches last over an hour, and sometimes they're really quick.. but it's always fun. When Michelle get's tired like a pussy (as she tends to do) Jess and I (because her and I don't believe in sleep) turn on Brothers in Arms and play that for hours and hours. At first we played the team missions in Earned in Blood, but we beat all the American and German missions so there was nothing really left to do, so instead she told me to play through the game and she would watch, which is really enjoyable for some reason, so I did it, and I managed to beat the game in a couple days while she watched and it was really fun... especially when she screams, then asks quickly, "Is that YOUR tank?!!" ahhh.

When I'm not playing awesome games with awesome people (so usually when I'm alone) I watch my favorite show Scrubs. I downloaded Season 3 and 4, and watched both seasons in a week or so, and then went back and watched a few of my favorite episodes, and still to this day watch them once and awhile, and now the new season started (season 5) and it's on Tuesday nights at 9pm to 10pm, two new episodes each Tuesday! The show is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. The humour is dead on to what I love, and it's just so random and out there, with flashbacks and fantasies, much like the same way the humour in Family Guy works.. there is a main story, and then throughout the episode, a character (usually JD) will say, "like that time I..." or something like that and it'll go back to this random, hilarious thing. It's a brilliant show with amazing actors... not only is it hilarious, but very powerful as well, since it deals with a lot of issues, like death (of course becuase they're at a hospital) but they handle death very well, which you wouldn't expect from a comedy, but they also deal with relationships, people, and issues... and at times it can be a very, very touching and powerful show, which amazed me since it could be both hilarious and serious at the same time. You really do have to check it out if you don't already watch it... buy it on DVD, download the earlier seasons, watch the new episodes.. do something! It shouldn't be missed.

I've gone through a lot of musical changes in the last few weeks, going from band to band, and not really looking back, but I'm enjoying it, listening to such a variety of bands. For awhile I was very into Alice in Videoland, IRIS and Seabound, all of which I pushed on to Dylan and he enjoyed. After that I moved on to Mind in a Box, which I also pushed on to Dylan, then from there I started listening to Thursday, Alexisonfire, Propagandhi, Coldplay and Annie. A band worth a mention is Minus The Bear, which I've had forever but never really listened to it in depth, but I was really surprised with how kickass they are, especially their latest album which I've listened to quite a bit in the last little while. Lastley, from there I went to Manson's latest release, The Golden Age of Grotesque, which is an excellent album, and anyone who like Holywood should get it. So musically, I've been all over the place... just the way I like it.

I think that's it for now... just remember everyone... fuck off!

ps. I think I'm back. Oh, it's nice to be back. I'm me again! hoorah!

this is me at 10:40am today
ignore the scar

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