Excessive

I try and I try, but it seems I cannot write anymore. I've got no ability left inside me that lets me write anything worth reading. I'm uninteresting and uninspired. This place is dead and it's my fault. I'm so sick of my mind and the way it feels; I wish I could reach in and tear it out... I'm so sick of being so god damn fucking numb. If I ever do feel anything, it's usually pain or discomfort of some kind. I try and try to be happy, and nothing ever works; it always leads to more pain.

I had interesting dreams today... they were familiar but new... new places, new feelings; a refreshing sense of clarity. I could see the faces... feel the touch, and feel the feelings I felt inside me. I remember crying a lot... which may not be new... but I felt secure and safe; I wish to live in that world... I want to be in that place, I want to be that person. I want to do those things and see it all. I didn't take sleeping pills that night, so perhaps that's why the world was much more powerful than normal... sometimes I just can't stand the dependancy; I want to be my own person, but I'm just not allowed. I'm fueled by drugs and sedatives; maybe that's why I'm so fucking numb all the time.

Interesting Fact: Tongue Rings are the only piercing in which you can purchase specifc jewelry to enhance your cock sucking abilities.

Since I've recently completed Final Fantasy X-2, and even more recently completed Sora's storyline in Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, I've been playing a lot of Star Ocean: Till The End of Time (as I had been previously) and I also started a game I had never played, but had owned for a good year or so; Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter (the fifth installment in the series). Dragon Quarter is quite amazing in it's uniqueness and challenge, and it's really refreshing to play something 'different' than everything else out there for once, since so many games just draw off each other and end up semi-clones that have been played to death, Dragon Quarter actually injects some life into itself by introducing so many new gameplay elements that it's really quite a unique experience to play through the game, and equally enjoyable is the battle system; a perfect mix between Phantom Brave and Xenosaga, so I'm enjoying this game between breaks of Star Ocean. (That's Nina, a mute from Dragon Quarter, whom I am in love with).

As for the rest of tonight, I'm just going to do my best at staying sane, without exploding. I'm not sure if that's going to be possible, as I'll most likely run into the wall, smash my head in and then scream a lot, or something similiar. I'm about to break, very severly. Just remember everyone: I hate you all!

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