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September 03, 2004 12:15PM

...these.are.the.words.that.im.saying...

I broke down. I downloaded Doom 3 finally. Yes, it was a twenty hour download of upwards of 3 gigs, but it worked. It downloaded, unzipped, extracted and installed perfectly, which was highly unexpected. Now you see, the way I looked at this game was much different than most other gamers; I had no expectations.. in fact, you could even say I had low expectations. Everyone was saying how godly and revolutionary this game is going to be, I just couldn't believe it, and didn't. I didn't buy it right away, and hell, I didn't even steal it right away... I never really got into the excitement that surrounded it..so when I loaded it up for the first time, I really had nothing to lose, no expectations to be crushed or any disappointment to soon follow. I loaded it up for the first time to basically see if it would run on my system. I set it to the 'optimized' seettings, which is when the software detects your hardware and then sets the games settings to their best for your system, and then I started a new game to see if the game worked. It did, although the framerate drops were very annoying and very much hurt the immersiveeness of the game... but I knew, as with all PC games, that I could tweak the settings of things and make it run better... how much better though, was the most important question... could the game be saved by tweaks set by fans, or will it stay a slugfest and not even get a night of my time... well, let's see what google had to say.

I searched for something along the lines of 'Doom 3 Performance Tweaks' and I found a few ATI card tweaks, which didn't apply to me, as I have an Nvidia in my laptop, so I passed by the few hundered matches for ATI (It seems a lot of ATI users are having some trouble with the game.. be warned). I stumbled across a single text file, which is short, to the point and void of any real detail, but it made all the different. If you want to play Doom 3 on a system that isn't completely godly beyond belief, give this text file a read and follow the instructions. [Check out the Doom 3 Tweak instructions] . I had to change a couple of the values, but that will be dependant on your system and this is a good place to start. Open the config file and change one setting a time, load the game and see the difference, if you notice slowdown, then turn it back to what it was and move to the next, if you notice an improvment, or don't notice an improvement but there is no slowdown, leave it as it is! I did that for about an hour and now my game looks great and runs smoothly (for the most part) and I'm quite happy to sit through and play now. It does take a bit of work but if you can get a great looking game running, than go for it.

As for my actual review of the game, how it plays and what I think of it so far... well, you might just have to wait a bit on that... I think I should play a few more hours of the actual game before I come to a conclusion, but as of right now, it's looking very promising and I'll be writing up a real review in about a weeks time, so you can look forward to that, and while you're waiting, drool at these in-game screenshots.


the larger version of these screenshots are externally hosted, so if the links are broken, don't bitch to me


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Michelle stopped by for a few hours today, which was awesome, as it always will be and always has been. We had Family Guy on and we were just hanging out... Emily did her hair, I played Doom 3 a bit (or tweaked it.. hehe) and fun was had. She had to work at 8pm, or else she probably would've slept over, but she and Emily walked to the mall to buy bustickets at around 6pm, and I stayed at home and fooled around with Doom 3 a bit more. Emily picked up a couple bags of chips and made her way home and the rest of the night was pretty much spent relaxing. There really wasn't much else that happened today, so I guess I have to cut this entry a bit short, but I honestly don't have much to talk about.

Saturday a few of the gang (my girls) are having a summer ending party at Teresas, and I'm on LCBO duty of course, so the money trading will most likely be happening tomorrow night... but anyway, that's an adventure worth looking forward to, for both me to go to and for you people to read about ;)

Edit: I've changed my mind. It's about an hour later: 1:57am to be exact, and I tried playing FF6, tried playing Doom3, Emily went to bed and there's just nothing else to do but write.. so let see if I can get this baby flowing.

The rules to being a friend. Want friends? Want to keep friends? Want to be respected and liked? Well there are a few fundamental rules to which you must follow, that even someone like me can recognize. You see, if you break these few, specific rules, no ones going to want to be near you... hell, no one is going to want to even mention your name, and try not to think of you! You will most likely create enemies, and.. well.. the rules aren't that hard to follow.

  1. Simply put, don't be an asshole. Being a friend requires understanding, compassion and tolerance. No one wants to be near someone whom they fear; if they are scared of your reactions to certain things, scared of saying certain things or doing things, than perhaps that would be a good indication that you have to lighten up a wee bit. Friends should be able to share things, without fear or nervousness.


  2. Actually be a friend to your friends. What does that mean? I suppose it varies from person to person.. people call people they run into on the street friends nowadays, but those aren't the people I'm talking about... I'm talking about your core friends, the people that are closest to you in that way. If they can't come to you with anything, than what the hell? Talk to you about their problems, things that change, differences of opinions, if these things can't be openly discussed than you really havet o ask yourself why.. why call someone a friend if they're nothing more than someone you're 'fake' towards.. that's just sad and upsetting overall.


  3. Be kind. Be kind! This is probably the most important factor in a real friendship. Don't be a fucking bastard or bitch to the people you supposidly like. You wouldn't want to be treated the same way if you were in their position, so just fuck off. Open your fucking eyes are maybe take a look at the situation from a different perspective. Put yourself in their shoes if a disagreement arises, it will really change the way you see things.


  4. Sense of humour is probably the second most important thing. You should always be able to laugh and smile. Why hang around people who depress you. It also works the other way around... if you constantly depress those around you, no ones gonna want to be near you. You have to be a positive influence on those near you, and they have to be a good influence on you as well, and you'll both bring up each others spirits. Don't be a downer...


  5. Quit the fucking drama. Seriously. Fuck off..


I've often wondered about the nature of people. It's quite interesting, especially when I look at myself.. and then compare with others. A few things stand out, which are consistencies between everyone, and some things that only appear in specific people.. Why do people change? Why do some change for the worse? While others change for the better? Why is it that some people are so fucking hypocritical that it makes you sick!? It seems to be everywhere lately. I used to think of hypocrisy as a way of wanting better for someone else, while it was already too late for yourself.. okay, so I didn't explain it very well there.. but you can read a little article I wrote about it... here. [People Suck] The first few paragarphs are the ones I'm referenceing. That article was written nearly three years ago, and my views have change significantly. Perhaps what I'm writing here, and the last couple of paragraphs should be a seperate article, apart from an entry, in it's own document, linked from a different page, but I'm writing it here, and at least for this month, this is where you'll be reading it. Back to the topic, everyone are such assholes. They bitch and bitch and bitch about meaningless shit that isn't even worth bitching about in the first place, and then turn around and do the same fucking bullshit right back out, and it's just sickening, because I don't even think they can see it, and if they can see it, that makes it that much worse, because then their just fucking idiots. If you get angry at someone for doing something, please, for the love of god, don't turn around and do the same exact thing a week later.. I mean, how can anyone respect you when you do that? Jesus..

One thing that every single human being should come to realize before it's too late is this: You are completely responsible for your own happiness. How can that be you ask? when so many people and factors can affect your level of happiness? It's simple. It's your fucking feelings, your brain, you interpret things the way you wish and for something to hurt you or take away happiness, you have to let it. Dependencies on others for happiness is never the answer, and will never lead you anywhere, this is something important that I've learned in the last few years. You want to be happy? You find something within yourself that makes you happy or else you're going to be very disappointed for your entire life. If you don't want to hate everyone around you; if you don't want to hate people in general, than you have to make a point to be sure that people don't hate you, or else you'll just recieve the exact same energy you give out, back. If you're an asshole all the time and only ever express negativity, it's all you're going to see in things, all you'll feel in things, and it'll consume you're entire life and you won't even notice it happening. No one is going to want to be near you, hang with you, talk to you, think about you, reference you, or acknowledge your existence if all you ever do is a) bitch b) complain c) be a bitch d) be a bastard e) all of the above and more. You have to be fun and compassionate... and just... yourself. I mean.. yes, everyone gets down, and friends are a great place to get support from, but they shouldn't feel attacked or defensive when you feel like shit. You should be able to genuinley sit down and talk with them about what's going on and act more human, instead of high schoolish.

I'm a very depressed person, anyone who reads this website on a regular basis should know this, and anyone who knows me in real life should know it even better, but ask any of my friends, any single one of them, and ask me if I'm a depressing person to be around. Hell no! Why? Because it's MY depression, I deal with it on my own terms and I invite my friends in to help boost my spirits, to share my time with, and I'm nice back to them for giving me the opprotunity to feel better. I put aside the hate and disgust I feel inside to smile, and the smiles are genuine because I'm a very lucky person to have people who care that much, even if they don't realize at the time what it is they're doing for me. I use my friends as a way to lift my spirits, not as a target for my depressing thoughts. I think it really makes a difference, because they love being around me ( i think anyway ) and that means they're around me more, which gives me more and more chances to make myself happy, and it works.. it really does. Do you know how good it feels to look over in a theatre row, and see three beautiful faces, smiling and talking amongst themselves, and they chose to make me a part of their lives for that two hours, for that split second in their entire life, it was their choice to include me in those memories, and that's a very important thing. I look at each of them and I smile, and I feel love. You don't get those feelings very often, nor do you really notice such events if you are so stuck inside yourself, and all you can see and feel is hate and pain; only if you take a step away from it all will you truely notice beauty.. true beauty. Times like that are easily the most enjoyable in my life, and I would never replace them with anything. I could easily just have been a bitch and stayed in, or created a fight out of nothing, or over reacted to something, but I didn't... because I know how much those smiles, how much that joking around, how much the large butter with extra popcorn is worth to me, and that can't be expressed in mere words.

There is definitley much more I could go into, but I've probably bored you to tears by now, or at least made you consider going to one of your other friends websites to see what they've been up to, so I give you permission to leave now, as I don't think you can survive much more of this. Remember: Don't be an asshole. Be responsible for yourself. and... lighten the fuck up.

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