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August 10, 2004 12:00AM

Complete and Indescribable Discomfort

i take too many fucking pictures
I am so indescribably uncomfortable. I've been wearing the same clothes for the last three days now, I have this cankor on the top of my lip from sucking on lemons, and my entire tongue and mouth is very... blah, like I've been eating too many salt and vinegar chips, except I haven't been.. I wish. My hole face is itchy and I feel gross all over. My head is clouded and I'm dizzy, I'm very, very snappy and easily depressed. I haven't taken my pills in three days.. make that four now. I can totally see myself go downhill and I just sit here helpless, just watching, and I hate it. There are some things I want to say, but I can't because of how... uncomfortable I am just sitting here. I hate it.. I hate it so much. I want to just... SHOOT MY SELF IN THE FACE. argh.. I know no one can possibly understand why I'm so pissed off right now... and maybe that makes me feel even worse.. but I am.. and.. I'm not happy about it.

I screwed up my arachnophilia 5.2 today, by accidentally deleting the main toolbar somehow.. so I figured out how to redownload it and reset all the settings... and I never really took the time to learn anything about the customization of the program before, even though I've been using it for the last year or so, but I sat down and read a lot of the overview and stuff, and it really is quite amazing what this thing can do... so I took some time to create some macros and set up the FTP synchronization thingymabob, and I'm really quite excited about it. You can program it, quite easily mind you, to store hundereds of macros. A macro is basically a keyboard shortcut that does whatever you want. Like... for instance, I can press Shift-Alt-N and it will create a template for me to write a new entry, opening a table, inserting the date and time, opening a font tag, and then breaking the lines and closing the table, all with the press off a key, which saves me a lot of work, and garauntees consistency. So I've written quite a few macros already, and I'm trying to think of every repetitive task I do on this website, so I can eliminate it, but I'm tired and in a horrible mood, so it's really hard to... 'get into it' so to speak. I've also decided on a few incey weency asthetic changes for the site, which you, the average ready, would never in a million years notice, but I, as the insane guy who spends hours on this crap, has spent hours making sure it was all correct.. such as indenting, and stuff like that.. well, one of the changes is just that... I'm not indenting my paragraphs anymore. Why? Who the fuck knows.. hmm.. hassle? Because you don't HAVE to indent paragraphs if you break the line twice? Who knows.. if I don't like it in two weeks, I'll go back to indenting each paragraph, and you readers won't know because I highly doubt you pay attention to crap like that, but I spend a lot of time makign sure things like that are consistent.. haha, I'm such a huge loser.

Emily and I finished chapter one of Final Fantasy X-2 today, and watched an amazing video of Tidus and Yuna running from a group of armed men, only to be caught and shot to death (it was a dream) and I looooves that movie sooo much *hugs movie* Anywho, the story advanced a bit more, introducing a few more key characters and elements (Vegnagun anyone?). I let Emily play for a lot of the end of chapter one and I think she enjoyed her self... she found monkeys! yay! She also fought a boss and countless enemies... she pretty much got the hang of fighting, novice anyway, and she hasn't quite mastared knowing when to spherechange or what jobs suit what fights and so on, but that would only come with experience playing not only that game, but other RPGs as well. Last night, I stayed up the entire night, and into the day until around noon when I finally fell asleep, but all night and most of the morning was spent playing Final Fantasy X-2 while Emily slept. I just fought, and fought some more, and walked from Besaid to Mt. Gagazet all over again, working the publicity campaign and marriage thing, and just getting stonger.. I almost mastered the white mage dress sphere with Yuna, which I had only got right when Emily went to bed, which she found amusing.. So yeah, I'm still enjoying the game quite a bit... more than the first time I played through it too, which I keep reminding myself.. I guess it's just because this time I'm not playing through it with expectations of what I want it to be and what I hope it turns into, instead, I know what's coming, so I look at it differently and play differently and it really has made it a more enjoyable experience.. so that's great.

I also played a few minutes... maybe an hour at most, of Final Fantasy 6 tonight. I played from the Opera House, to the Magitek Factory, so for those of you who have played the game, that's not really that much gametype.. I was dizzy, and not feeling well, so it was hard to concentrate and enjoy playing... *sigh* how I long for genuine relaxation... thankyfully, Final Fantasy 6 never gets boring, so I'll just go back and play it when I feel more up to it..

I've been applying / handing in resumes like a beast lately.. like at least ten a day.. I'm getting rather upset about it to be honest. I'm poor.. I'm hungry.. I have nothing much left to live on.. I need a fucking job. I'll do anything, anywhere, just give me a fucking job.. *sigh... again* I got a call from Direct Energy yesterday though, and I have to call them today. It's an interview for the position of a Natural Gas Sales Representative.. sounds kinda stupid.. they didn't say at all what you had to do for the job, but it has a salary of $1500 to $3200 a month, so I applied, and I got a call the next day, which was neat.. so I'll check that out and hopefully it's something really good.. hopefully it's not a stupid door to door salesman shit job or something.. then I shall spit into the phone and unleash my spitty wrath. I've also been watching a lot of Invader Zim, thanks to Allys mighty DVD of season 1. It's pretty much all I've been watching.. in fact I really haven't watched TV in a month, and it's weird to have it on and watch it, but oh my lordy it's funny. Owen and I downloaded and watched Zim the first damn week it came out, as we were such fans of DA MAN, and I watched it on PC for so long, it's nice to watch it with a crystal clear picture and good sound! ohh.. and you can totally tell when I've been watching too much Zim, because I start to talk like him or Gir and it's quite obvious. Oh my freaking lord.. I just can't stand to sit in this damn char for any longer. I'll be going to have a shower and brush my teeth for fifteen to twenty hours, and then hopefully to sleep, or FF6.. we'll see. I'll hopefully be in a much more writing mood laster on today, and maybe you can expect a normal update, rather thian this weird peice of crap.. whatever it is... *shudders* sorry.

1306 words

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  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily
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2 Comments

Emily
January 01, 2000
aww, *gives you a hug, then sprays you with antibacterial spray* feel cleaner?
Jordan
January 01, 2000
Actually, i DO feel cleaner! I went and had a shower shortly after I finished working on the small, unnoticable and trivial changes I made to the sites layout and formatting. I scrubbed a few layers of skin off and brushed my teeth for a few hours, then I

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