Excessive

It's Sunday night or early Monday morning, however you want to look at it, and I just woke up from a sleep with a really bad headache and a painful hunger in my stomache.

Friday and Saturday were good for a change, and I actually felt pretty stress free and relaxed, which is a nice break from my normal feelings. On Saturday, Vanessa, Brittany and myself went shopping - first downtown, and then to Whiteoaks and it was actually a very enjoyable experience; quite the ego-boosting day actually. While I was at the mall, I had several people approach me and tell me they loved my hair, and one girl even talked to me for a few minutes and asked me for a hug (and her boyfriend was standing right there...) but... it was an odd experience in all, as I'm not really used to that kind of attention; usually just weird looks but I got a lot of nice looks this time and it just helped make me feel better for a bit.

Today wasn't good at all; I was alone for the majority of it, and the rest of it felt forced and unnatural, rather than casual and relaxed. After awhile I just laid in bed and cried to myself, eventually falling asleep and waking an hour or so ago (with a headache of course). Days like today I wish I could disappear... it would be so much easier than everything else that happens.

I've been talking to my Mom a bit in the last few days, and it's nice to talk to her about stuff. Tomorrow I'm meeting her at her work and she's going to buy me some tomatos so I can have some suppers during the week.

I wish time would stand still, so I just didn't have to deal with anything, and so it wouldn't feel like time is running out. I need to call some of my friends (now that I don't have MSN) because I need to get the fuck out of this house and just forget about everything that makes me sad inside, at least for a day. I can't help but feel like I should start having a zero tolerance for a bullshit soon, because I really don't deserve to put up with fucking retarded shit anymore. I'm getting so fucking angry and becoming filled with resentment or spite or something, I'm not really sure exactly. I'm just sick of feeling so low, so dark all the time. I just want light, happy, smiley, stress free, relaxed, casual, romantic and sweet times.

Sunday night TV sucks, I don't have the internet and I'm not tired, so what the hell am I supposed to do? Ugh... Tomorrow I'm calling rogers to find out how much I'd have to pay in order to get my internet back (ie. a minimum payment), and I'm also going to call the doctor to make an appointment since he has the wrong information and needs to change it. I think I'm gonna go lay down because I hate writing...

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