Excessive

I'm sitting here wondering if anyone has noticed my sudden disappearance... and by someone, I mean not one of the four different people that actually thought I may have died, and made several attempts to check to make sure I was alive. I find it funny (not really offensive or anything...) that I'm offline for a day and people everywhere assume instantly that it was suicide. Anyway... The reason why I'm offline for the first time in ten years, is because that's what happens when you don't pay your rogers bill for long enough; apparently they cut off your internet and digital cable... bastards. So that leaves me with basic cable (they haven't come to my house to physically disconnect the cable outside yet, mwuhaha) and my games and DVDs, so I'm pretty bored lately, and when I'm bored, I think too much, and when I think too much, all I want to do is be alone, and not have any contact with anyone because... I don't really know, I can't really explain it. The thought of having contact with others makes me nervous and the only time I really feel comfortable when I'm in such a terrible state of mind is when I'm alone, because then I don't have to worry about how others are feeling, or if I'm doing things to please them, because when I'm alone, none of that stuff matters because it's just me, and it's a lot less stress on me, and at a time were the stress is at it's highest it's ever been in my life, situations where there is less stress are usually favoured over stressful ones.

Obviously since I don't have the internet anymore, I won't be able to update my website on a daily basis like I've been doing for the last few years, but hopefully this problem is only temporarily and in the next few months I'll get back online and things will get back to normal. However, while I'm offline, I'll be making a trek to Michelle's at least once a week to make an update on my website, and perhaps more frequently depending on my mood and what she is doing of course. I don't want to lose touch with you people, since I've grown quite the reader base, it would be quite silly to lose you all now simply because I'm poor... so I'll do my best to keep the updates as frequently as possible so you don't lose interest in checking my website, and you have to promise to keep coming. So yeah, that's my plan for the next little while, and I think it should work out... although I won't be able to have daily contact with you guys, I'll still be able to run the site and keep it active... I mean if worse comes to worse I could get Michelle to login as me and write the entry over the phone... although it would be tedious, I'm sure she wouldn't mind... I'd just write the entry up in notepad, then read it to her over the phone as she recreated it on my websites entry editor.

It's only Friday right now... you people won't be reading this until Tuesday or Wednesday (the day I go to Michelle's) so a lot of the things I write now, won't be relevent when you're actually reading this, and I have to keep in mind that what I write here won't be read right away... for example I wanted to write a little note in here telling Linzie to call me so I can arrange for her to go to Michelle's with me on that day so we can all play games and stuff, but then I thought to myself... when I actually get the chance to publish this to the net, I'll already be at Michelle's and it'll be much too late for Linzie to read it and do anything about it... *sigh* I'm silly... SILLY! Yeah, so just keep in mind that this entry is actually from a few days ago.. Friday, and that it's from a few days in the past... I'll either add to the bottom of this or write a completely new entry when I actually go over to Michelle's.

I guess I'll write about what I've been up to lately since you're probably all wondering (haha.. mmhmmm). Well... not a whole lot. I've been going through some heavy depression, so that involves a lot of starving myself, sleeping very strange hours, and sleeping for more than 3/4's of the day, and disconnecting myself from all living creatures (except Tidus). When I am awake, I don't really like to think about the hole that is my life, so I keep my mind busy by playing games... and it's actually pretty interesting that lately I've only been playing Xbox... no other system, just my Xbox. About six months ago I bought a game called Brothers In Arms (when I worked at Stream... around the same time I bought Halo 2) and I played it, was amazed with it, got through about four levels, got stuck on the fifth level and died a few times, got sick of dying and just put it back on the shelf, and didn't play it again. Naturally, since I have such a large library of games to choose from, if one game is causing my stress, I just stop playing it in favour of another game I could play that would bring me satisfaction and that's exactly what happened. Anyway, a few days ago I was looking at it... and I was thinking about playing a game I could get into, get some joy out of, keep me distracted and entertained (especially now that I'm cut off from the world) and Brothers In Arms kept catching my eye... although remembering how I kept getting caught on that one level kept me wondering if it was worth playing. I knew that Jess had rented and beat it before, and she said she really liked it, so that was pretty much the deciciding factor. I put it in, and I played.. and played.. and played.. I got passed that fifth level, even when I died, I didn't get mad, I just learned from what I had done and didn't repeat myself. I managed to beat the game within a few days, unlocked tons of amazing extras (facts, photos, information and tons of awesome stuff on WW2), and have since gone through and played and compeleted almost all the levels on the 'Difficult' setting, with only a few more levels to finish on hard, soon I'll be able to play through it on Authentic and unlock even more cool extras. The game itself is very moving, as it's based on real events, real people, real stories... some of the things Matt Baker says in the intro to the levels actually almost made me cry, or at least made me feel very emotional about... it was weird... only a few games have ever envoked such emotion in me, and none were anywhere close to a WW2 game; I think it was just because I pictured what it would have been like to be in their shoes... to feel the things he was feeling and to be in a place like France on D-Day... seeing your friends die and being somewhat responsible and having to cope with that. The script, score, AI, visuals and engine are all amazing, immersive and breathtaking. I recommend this game to anyone who has a passion for WW2 (as this is a very authentic, realistic portrayal), has a passion for realistic FPSs, enjoys tactical, strategic games, or loves having orgasms.

When I'm not shooting Germans in the head, I've been playing SSX3 a lot... maybe it's because it's snowy outside now, so naturally I lean towards the snowboarding game because it just fits the season, but even after having this game for over a year, I still consider it one of the best games I own, and one of the games I've gotten the most enjoyment and time out of. I've been playing each different character a bit each, building up their stats, getting them gold metals, buying them new outfits, and getting the collectables... slowly coming closer and closer to actually having beat the game. There still tracks and areas that I have trouble with, even with characters who have maxed out stats, and even when I can get tons and tons of points on earlier levels, I just can't get past bronze on that last slopestyle track and it eats me alive! AH! It taunts me as I sleep! Anyway... I'll get it... eventually. I just need to practice, and then get frustrated when I can't do it, then throw the controller down and break it, then kick my TV in and cry because now I can't watch TV... uhh... yup.. it's a fun game, really.

On Thursday, I accompanied Michelle to her Tim Hortons work Christmas party thing, at this buffet thingy... which served primarily chinese food, and some other stuff which I didn't eat because I had a migrane. It wasn't that bad actually, and I got the feeling that her friends didn't hate me or anything, so I was moderatley comfortable. We laughed and talked and stuff, and overall I had a good time and would do it again; next time I'd just hope that I'd feel better so I could actually eat some kind of meal. I feel like I should write more about that night, but I dunno... nothing is really coming to mind worth mentioning. I could mention specifics and people and drop names and stuff, but meh... what's the point.

It's really freakin' early in the god damn morning right now, and I have yet to go to sleep because... oooh guess why? because I'm a fucking insomniac!!!! Ugh.. I'm gonna go lay down though because I know I'm going to have to get up relativley early, and I wouldn't mind being able to do some dishes and clean up a bit before I go out shopping or whatever... so I guess this is it for now, and I may add to this entry later, or I may just write a new one... I'm not really sure yet. You should be reading this by Tuesday night, or Wednesday morning... and by then this is probably at the bottom of the page because I probably wrote a few more entries by then... but meh... it felt good to write for the first time in a week. Such a wonderful release... anyway... I'm off to bed. Should I play a match of Advance Wars? It's been awhile and it seems like a kinda good idea! Yeah... I'll do that... after I brush my teeth. (You can tell I'm really weird now... look how I fucking write *sigh*). Goodnight people. Wait.. I'm not tired. At all. Thoughts are going through my head and I'm not sure what they are to be honest. It's all going so fast that I can't really keep track, but I just know that I'm no tired at all. Agh, this fucking blows. BLOWS!

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