November 20, 2002 5:17AM
Almost A Good Day
Today was going great. I got some good news, thought I was doing really well with Linzie... it was just an overall enjoyable night.
I got a job at Pizza Hut. Yay.
I fell asleep early tonight, while Linzie was still here and every single time that happens I always get depressed that night. I don't know why, I guess I just hate myself for leaving Linzie like that. But anyway, I was left to think all night and I dunno, I just completely destroyed my happiness. I wrote two pages, front and back and it all just feels like I'm making it worse. I'm just wrecking a lot of good things for no reason at all. I just seem to have all this built up violence in my fingertips and I want to explode. It's that feeling I get right before I breakdown. I don't want to breakdown because then I'll break things, and hurt people... and I can't miss school... so I dunno what to do. I feel like I can't even talk to anyone anymore. I just want to be normal. Isn't that what everyone wants though? Or is it that every normal person wants to be fucked? I dunno.. either way.. I just want to be normal. I want to be supportive, not a burden.
I want to be able to talk and listen and just be MYSELF. I hate it. Hate me? I dunno. I should just stop writing. Only one person reads this *waves to Sarah* everyone else reads it only if I tell them to.
God dammit, I'm such a worthless fuck.
Goodbye.
270 words
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Timeline
- I lived with my Mom
- I was with Linzie
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