October 07, 2002 11:21PM
Great Day
Today was awesome.
Last night I got really depressed and suicidal and my mind was racing and racing and I remember Linzie telling me to just write what's running through my head even if it doesn't make sense so instead of killing myself or something stupid like that I just got my binder and pen and got ready to write. It just started flowing out of me and I couldn't stop. I wrote to myself or at least tried to. Most of the time I'm writing with a specific audience in mind so therefore the words I use the stories I tell everything I say is selected for those people so they see and read exactly what I want them to. So I tried writing just to myself so there would be no lies no exagurations or anything. At times when I was writing Linzie kept popping in my head so at times I may have been writing with her in mind but I tried very hard not to. I wrote about four pages front and back and I just wrote what came to mind but I did have a point to it it wasn't just random thoughts. I was writing a letter to me basically as if I was a really good friend. I kept telling myself what it was like to feel the way I feel and various things in my past and stuff. I only got an hour and a half of sleep and then had to get up for school.
I wrote my blue cords and no rules shirt with my nails painted all perfectly blue with my black dress shirt underneath my T-Shirt so the collar would stick out but I didn't wear a tie.. I just didn't feel like it. I'm not sure why but I gave Linzie the pages that I wrote that night in first period I dunno maybe in an attempt to let her understand me more or maybe it was just because I wanted someone to know what I was going though.. but anyway after she read it she just hugged into my arm really tightly and it made me feel so good.
School was pretty normal. I had to debate in last period and it went horribly. I bombed. My partner wasn't even there and I had a horrible time talking in front of the class.. well because of my anxiety.. I almost blacked out and my face muscles started to shut down and I couldn't look up cause if I did I would black out even quicker. After that I found out I have to do a five minute to ten minute speech in a persuasive format on a topic of my choosing. So I think I may do Communism and why it's flawed. but who knows.
After school Linzie and I bought some bread. I ate some bread. I then slept. For a long time. Until 7 actually. Linzie said she didn't mind and I believe her. When I got up we went over and got a pizza from my sister and consumed that at a slow rate (I only had two peices). After that we watched a bit of Fear Factor and then went over to Wal-Mart for Crayons Chips and Coke (partly from No Frills) and then went back home to watch RAW!
This was the best RAW I've seen in a long long time. Holy shit was it awesome. The last match was amazing.
Anyway during the whole night I spent it being very affectionate with Linzie and it just made me feel really good and I didn't have a single mood swing. It was just an awesome day. More awesome than the days I say are awesome.
But anyway Linzie is the most amazing person to be with! :)
Goodnight.
635 words
No Comments
Timeline
- I lived with my Mom
- I was with Linzie
Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *