August 06, 2002 1:16AM
Damn Silence
Today wasn't very good. This morning was. Linzie came over all early and stuff and we ate breakfast and watched Quantum Leap and then went to bed at around 10 or 10:30 and slept until 7:30 (well Linzie slept until 7:30 I slept till 9:00). When I woke up we watched Raw and cooked popcorn. We layed around and watched TV until 11 when Raw was over and already Linzie had to leave in one hour which is really depressing.
At 11 we just layed together for the rest of the time but this is where I kinda silently freaked out. Something was going on in my mind but I don't know why. There was just this silence. Tons of it... and I couldn't stand it. I felt so distant and far away from her and I just had this need for her to speak so I knew she was real and actually there and no matter how hard I tried she just wouldn't keep talking... I'd bring up a few topics to talk about or I'd try and spark a conversation and it would just get dropped and quickly go back to nothing but silence. Like I said it just made me feel very distant. I was on the verge of crying and I have no idea why... well I do it's because how I was feeling but I don't know why I was feeling this way. I just felt ignored and I know she wasn't purposly doing it and there was no need for me to feel that way but I did and even though I tried I just couldn't snap out if it.
These last few days I've been on the borderline of falling into depression. I can feel it it's just sitting there egging me on trying to get me to fall but I keep fighting it off but it just keeps on fighting back and it's just really hard to deal with. I'm not sure what to do but I often feel alone or just sad for little to no reason. Oh well I'll keep fighting... see what happens.
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Timeline
- I lived with my Mom
- I was with Linzie
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