Excessive

I am still a writer you know, and I've recieved quite a lot of negative feedback from people over the last few months because they claim I don't have the same level of passion and creativness in my writing, but they fail to realize that I've changed quite a bit. You see, before I would simply write paragraph after paragraph about how fucked up I was, and I don't cut myself every night so much that I fall asleep not because I'm tired but because I've lost so much blood, which results in having a lot less angst to let out in the form of online ranting. I lead a very uneventful and boring life, and I love it, but it really leaves me with no much to talk abut. I am still a very passionate person, and if you doubt that, well... you fucking kill yourself, and I'm still a good writer... I'm just a writer with nothing to write about. I've written this exact same thing not very long ago:

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I've finally got somewhat of a grip on my life, what to do, what not to do, ,what makes me upset and what doesn't, and I've become very skilled at not letting fucking retarded shit bug me, although sometimes it still gets through, and of course I recite a huge rant with various swear words in my head, that I would later put on this website, but I know that anything like that would just cause more shit to happen in the future, and I really don't want that.

No one shows any interest in me personally anyway... as in, no one asks me how I am, how my medications are going, if I even went to see that psychologist... and that's fine, I'm perfectly okay with everyone not giving a fuck about anyone but themselves, because I know that's the reality of things, but it's that very feeling that stops me from really talking about a lot of things, because I know either way it really doesn't matter. People being so fucking ignorant, having their heads so far up their asses they seem to forget years at a time, talk to me as though they just met me, or as if they just selectivly remember what they want, and pretend like a whole bunch of unpleasent shit never happened. Yes, you people can treat me like fucking shit, but please for the love of god stay consistent with it! Don't pretend like you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't destroy me, or like you are the one who deserves the sympathy.

Everyone is all fucking talk and it's so fucking old. I don't take anything anyone says to heart because I know that actions speak louder than words and there is rarely ever any actions.

Yet, as I said before, I put up with all kinds of bullshit, from all kinds of people, because I know in the end they'll pretend like the bullshit never even existed in the first place, and because none of it even means anything to them anyway. I may be dead inside, but so are you.

On a side note, I had an excellent plate of spagetthi tonight. That is all.

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