Excessive

Ah, that was a nice warm bath. It dulled my headache a bit, I shaved my manly face of manliness and Tidus annoyed me so much I had to get out without relaxing.

Today was a day off, and on top of that Michelle isn't coming home from work today, and won't be home for days (Monday I think) so it's quite the unique day off. I work tomorrow (at 4pm) and Saturday (at 8am), and maybe Sunday (probably) so tonight is really the only night I'm actually going to be alone, and it's pretty weird because there have only been very short periods of times when I didn't live with someone and no one stayed with me, so being alone is something that I'm not familiar with, but I do enjoy it. Like my Mom, I have no problem being alone, being able to relax and just think, it's nice.

I've been playing 2moons pretty consistently, however Ben wasn't online today so I played my Magician, and I've come to the realization that it's a much more fun game if you actually pay attention to the stuff you're doing. Reading what the NPC's say (regardless of how bad the writing is), paying attention to what the quest log says, and trying to find and do every single little quest, it really makes the game feel more deep. The writing could be way better, and I think the game would feel more credible if there was no voice acting at all, and the game would be a lot more fun if the game relied a bit more on parties, because being able to solo everything makes it just a single player game with lag and annoying people trying to sell stuff.

Now that I'm making money I've fallen into this hypnotic state where I think I can buy things. It stems from a time many months ago when Michelle was working full-time and we wanted a Wii, a 360, an HDTV and stuff like that, and it was discussed that all I had to do was get a job and all that money I bring it can be used to buy all these neat things. Circumstances have changed, where getting a job was required, and all the money I bring in will be used to keep as alive and paying rent, so there really isn't any money for toys. On top of that, any extra money should be used to pay off the debt that's looming over me. Regardless, I still sit and daydream about things I want, and to an extent it's a good motivation to keep going to work, because somewhere, sometime, years from now, I'll be in a position to buy things, and if I can keep tricking myself into thinking it will be soon, then it's a good reason to wake up in the morning, but if I get to into wanting things, I'm just going to get depressed and disappointed when I barely have enough money to get by. It's tricky business! Some things... money has made me want to get back into PC gaming... actually, GFW radio has.. well, Jeff, Shawn, Sean, Darren and Ryan are to blame. I want to get into Steam and get games like Half Life 2, and the ID game pack, Company of Heroes, and a few other cool games. Also, playing 2moons has made me want to play a good MMO, which made me long to play WoW, something that could be realistically affordable (at around $80 a year), and it's something Michelle and I could do together, and something Ben and I could do together, and it's something I've always wanted to do but could never afford. I also want to get another external hard drive (500GB is only $179) because I have no space left for gaming, my main hard drive is filled with music, and my external is filled with some tv and some games, and other things. I also need a $20 usb hub. Some larger things I'd want to get, like if I had a huge credit card with no limit, or things to aim for the future, are a 360, a really good HDTV with a really good sound system, a new gaming rig that could easily run current games as well as future games like Bioshock, Crysis, Quake Wars, Starcraft 2 and whatever comes after WoW. These are just things I daydream about and keep myself motivated for, and it's always fun wanting things, reading about them and building up to almost mythical proportion.

Things are pretty good I guess. I feel better about myself than I have in a long time, and I enjoy playing games with Ben again, and it kinda feels like I'm almost back on the right track to getting my life in order, or at least it feels like I took the first step, and the second step is coming up soon (first pay day probably). I hope that work becomes less and less stressful (or stops causing me to be nervous) and it doesn't get more and more stressful, which is something that I fear. Tonight I'm gonna sleep alone in bed and it's gonna be different, but I bet it's gonna be comfortable! Also, I'm going to eat frosted flakes.

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