Excessive

I've had a miserable day today... and I'm sad, and lonely, and feeling sorry for myself, as I do sometimes.

I woke up this morning... I don't even remember when. I was in a daze... I had intense sharp pains up my neck and into the left side of my brain, stabbing, reaching around to my eye, to the point that I couldn't lay down, it just wasn't an option, and even sitting still hurt. I think I got up, stumbled around for medication, took three Tylenol 1's and tried to fall back asleep but it just hurt too much.

I decided that since I couldn't lay down, essentially unable to fall asleep, I would turn the TV on downstairs and hopefully find some position that relieved some of the pain, and maybe I would fall asleep for a few hours before I had to get ready for work. I walked like a zombie downstairs, barely able to open my left eye, or hold my head up straight, but I managed to drag a pillow and blanket to the couch, turn on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and lay down.

I tossed and turned a lot, I think I sat through an entire episode... I tried to eat toast and drink a coffee, as I knew that the medication on an empty stomach was only going to make me feel like shit, but I couldn't stomach it, and it only made me feel worse, so afterwards I put on another episode and laid down. I had to try everything to get in a position that wasn't incredibly painful, but I must've because I fell asleep and was awoken only after having a nightmare about how loud my fridge was (because I could hear the fridge from where I was sleeping no less).

After I awoke from my nap or whatever you want to call it, I tried again to eat breakfast with more success, and managed to eat three pieces of toast with honey and another coffee. Although my head was still in significant pain, and I felt super out of it and sick to my stomach, I wasn't in the crazy pain I was in before. I watched some TV and left for work. On the way to work, I stopped by my Mom's to pick up some migraine and headache medication that she's been trying out, to see if it'll help me.

After a long day at work, and taking some of that medication, and having a few moments where I felt as though I was going to pass out and had to sit down, I took the bus home and had to walk the last little bit.

To say the least, it's been a tough day. Even sitting here now, hours and hours after when I first woke up with the headache, I still have sharp pains in my head, I'm starving but feel sick, and I feel so shaky and out of it that I can barely think. All I wanted was comfort and sympathy, to be taken care of, to just feel safe, but I feel miserable and alone, and the idea that I just got home from work, and now I'm going to go to sleep, wake up and go right back there, makes me so sad, so.. soo fucking sad.

I hate everything right now. I hate how empty this place feels tonight, and how hopeless I feel.

Maybe I'll wake up feeling okay tomorrow.

582 words